She blinked and tried to say something again as she willed her hand to move and touch her face. It felt like someone else’s face. She couldn’t feel a thing. Her skin had a rough, graining texture and she slapped at it again, trying to force feeling into her cheek.
She finally was able to move her head to look at her hand and as she rolled her head to the side, a mass of dark, long hair was entangled with hers, the face she had been touching was NOT hers. She felt the face, the closeness of proximity to her, the cleft in the chin and felt her way up to the scar over the left cheek. She told herself that this was once again, a nice dream because Rollie was sleeping right beside her.
She had a throbbing sensation in her abdomen and she cried out in pain as she touched her abdomen. Her 'dream Rollie' suddenly lifted his head from the pillow beside her. His hands reached out to her, his fingers touching her cheek and he stroked her forehead as she lay in agony.
"Angie, oh my God, sweetie- you are my life!" she heard him say, his voice gravelly but soft.
"I can’t talk to you…" she managed to say in hoarse response, finally finding her voice, "you’re not real. I want to find out about my baby," she sobbed from pain and loss of control.
"I’m real, Ange. Michael got me out, Mira brought me here. I can’t believe it but I have missed almost five months of you and our baby. I …" and she looked at the imaginary Rollie as his eyes filled with tears, unable to continue.
"Please! Don’t tease me anymore! Go away!" Angie said, swiping at the dream but her hand hit solid flesh, the touch of something that was real, warm and wet. She placed the tear drop to her lips, the salty taste real, the imagined starting to materialize.
"Angela…I am never going away again, you hear me! You’re so groggy, sweetie," she heard him say in a faint, ragged-edge whisper.
She focused on his face not daring to believe this phantom but as his lips came down toward her, her hand instinctively went to his cheek and she felt his lips on hers, the warmness enveloping her. He kissed her gently then, almost reverently as she suddenly broke from him and pushed on his chest slightly;
"Rollie?"
"Yes… Angie- you waking up?" he asked her and her eyes met his but there was something different in those eyes. They weren’t focused on her.
"What’s wrong with your eyes?" she asked, her eyes playing tricks on her.
He paused, sniffing as he put the back of his hand to his wet eyes and tried to smile a little;
"I’m just a little blind right now, sweetie. They are going to have a specialist look at them but forget that! Don’t you want to know?" he asked her as she grew puzzled and confused again. Whatever they had given her was producing the most profound hallucinations.
"My baby!" she suddenly realized why she was in the hospital and her eyes popped open widely. She focused on the man sitting on the edge of the bed now. He was dressed in hospital scrubs and a gown. He was so thin, the dark circles under his eyes revealed many hidden secrets that had rattled his body and mind. She blinked again, looking at him as the anesthesia agent finally cleared her system and she whimpered slightly, and shut her eyes tightly;
"Oh my God! Rollie, they found you!"
"Yes, love…with not a moment to spare."
Rollie smiled, hearing her voice and now knowing that she was starting to really wake up. His heart was so overwhelmed with what had happened in their separated, five months but at the moment, her voice was his salvation. The hospital staff had left him alone with her as he had refused all treatment for himself until he had time with Angie alone. He leaned over, knowing she was below him as she grabbed him in a trembling hold around his neck and buried her face in his chest;
"I thought you were dead! Where have you been? Oh I missed you so! It was so horrible!" She was crying and he was as well, holding her in his arms, the feel and love of this woman was what had kept him going all those months
"I was the living dead but your voice and our baby’s heart brought me back, you and our beautiful, little boy! You did such a good job, sweetie!"
She trembled all over, the news of her child, a boy! Rollie had been there! Her joy, her hopes and her prayers had been answered; "Oh Rollie!" she whispered over and over in his ear.
"I touched his little head, felt his little hand grasp my finger. He is going to have great hands, like his dad!" Rollie told her softly, stroking her hair, now even longer than he remembered or had pictured in his captured imagination.
There was a sudden clearing of the throat as Angie looked up, never wanting to stop holding Rollie in her arms. Dr. Shelton was standing in the room beside the bed. Rollie felt Angie’s sharp intake of breath as he waited for a clue as to what Angie was seeing.
"Hello Angela, Mr. Tyler…I see your reunion has helped somewhat with your pain?" she asked, as she leaned over and pulled up the sheet, checking Angie’s dressings as Rollie moved off the bed but kept his hand tightly in Angie’s.
"You had to do the C-section, I see," Angie replied, looking down at herself and frowning slightly.
"There was no choice, Angela. Your baby needed to come out. Now, do you understand that he is only 37 weeks old, premature and weighs about 4 pounds?"
She looked up at the physician and then to Rollie whose head was slightly down, his hand gripping hers even more securely.
"He’s going to be okay, right? I want to see him!" Angie cried out, worriedly.
"He is having some breathing difficulty because of his prematurity, we have an oxygen hood over his head- it looks like a clear,cake pan cover and it keeps the baby in a high oxygen environment. He does not have any breathing tubes or ventilators. He is breathing on his own. We are just helping him get the best air right now, okay?"
Angie felt Rollie’s hand feel for her shoulder and he wrapped his arm around her as she rested her head against his shoulder. She nodded, still very worried.
"Now, he has a monitor on for his heart, that is just to see how his heart is functioning as well. He is also getting some antibiotics intravenously just as a routine precaution. We are feeding him through a tube, but I believe he will not need it by tomorrow. I believe you will be feeding him in no time!"
Angie’s face lit up, for she had forgotten all about breast-feeding and the whole aspect of being with a newborn infant.
"I want to see him, please!" she asked, desperately.
"That’s why I am here, I came to see if you could manage the ride over to the neonatal unit to visit your son," Dr. Shelton replied, smiling.
"Oh Doctor Shelton, I could manage anything right now, you just don’t know!" Angie replied, grinning as she touched Rollie’s face and he smiled as well.
They made the trip, with Rollie protesting a wheelchair for himself. He argued that one parent in a wheelchair was enough and they walked and rode slowly down the corridors toward the neonatal unit, pausing several times for Rollie to rest. Angie’s exuberance to see her son was overshadowed by Rollie’s condition as she was almost glad he couldn’t see her face at this moment. She was shocked at his appearance and stamina. Her mind couldn’t fathom what he had been through and she knew that he still carried some terrible ordeal in his mind but he was bravely challenging it today.
With the incredible sound of alarms and a multitude of monitors and heartbeats being emitted around the large unit, they entered a sea of incubators and cribs. Angie was amazed at the number of babies in the unit. She shyly looked at other parents who sat with their infants, some very stone-faced, others crying and still others, rocking and feeding their babies.
Rollie could only hear the sounds of a whole new world, the mass of infants all struggling to live and he was overwhelmed as he stopped, confused and dazed.
"Sorry," he said, as Dr. Shelton helped guide him toward his baby’s incubator. Angie had begun to wheel herself at this point, leaving the nurse who had pushed her along the hospital corridors. She could hear her baby’s heartbeat, she knew him, the instant she heard his monitor.
She looked into the incubator, her mouth opened as she marveled at how small and delicate he looked. His chest was rising and falling rapidly but he was sleeping and looked peaceful; "Oh my God, Rollie, here he is, our baby!"
His hand touched the back of her shoulder as she looked up at him, his eyes looking straight ahead and she looked down, guilty and crushed that he could not see him.
"You tell me about him, Angie! Tell me about our boy. You take as long as you want, love and don’t leave out any details!" he replied, smiling as her heart seemed to swell at his gentle words.
"Here you go," said the nurse who was standing nearby charting, "Let’s get Baby Boy Tyler into his mother’s arms, okay?"
Angie looked up shocked; "Really?"
"You bet, the more you hold him, the faster he is going to get better and grow so he can leave this noisy place, okay?" the nurse told her, with a smile.
Rollie’s hand gripped her shoulder as she waited. The baby was lifted out of the incubator, wrapped tightly in a blanket and placed in her arms. As Angie looked down at the living being she held in her arms, the only thing she could say was; "he’s so beautiful…"
"Can I?" she asked then, wanting to open the blanket and count and inspect everything.
"Why, it’s protocol, you know," beamed the nurse, "go ahead but quickly so his body doesn’t lose too much heat."
Angie surveyed her son, his fingers, his toes, and his wonderful little face. His eyes, a slate blue were staring up at her, she knew and his mouth was slightly open, making a sucking noise as his arms flared out, his toes flanging outward at any noise that he heard.
"Rollie, he’s beautiful. He’s got your chin, and I think, my nose," she exclaimed as Rollie sat down in a chair that had been provided. And his hair, oh Rollie- he’s got hair you know! It’s very light brown and there is a Tyler curl here," she remarked, her voice cracking.
"How’s his other parts- he does have them, doesn’t he?" Rollie asked, the joking manner making her realize that he was being so strong for her. She peeked back inside the blanket and the nurse smiled;
"Mr. Tyler, your son is quite the man, okay?"
Rollie beamed, as Angie reddened slightly and whispered in his ear; "Like father, like son," she told him as Rollie’s eyebrows raised and he grinned.
"Can my husband hold him?" Angie said then, as the nurse nodded.
Rollie seemed afraid then, protesting somewhat but Angie was already placing their son in his arms, as he clutched softly, the bundled baby in his hands. Again, the softness of him, his scent and the way his hands instantly grasped onto his fingers made him smile from ear to ear, proudly.
"Do you have a name yet?" the nurse asked, "we like to start calling them by their name as soon as possible, you know."
Angie looked at Rollie who had suddenly stopped smiling and looked surprised. She knew they had never discussed a name for the baby. He had been gone so long and had missed so much!
"How about ‘little, big man’," she joked as Rollie laughed, for the first time since she had been reunited with him.
"Your call, Angie, really- I know you thought of some names…"he told her, prompting her.
"You…didn’t?" she asked, almost timidly, afraid to have him think of anything that reminded him of his captivity.
Rollie was silent. Had he thought about a name? He couldn’t remember.
Angie bit her lip then, seeing him stumble in thought and she quickly looked up at the nurse and said; "We’ll get back to you on that…soon!"
"No problem, we’ll call him ‘little man’ for now, has a nice ring," the nurse said and then added; "we need to get him back under the oxygen hood for now. So sorry, but he has to go back in," she added and Angie touched her son’s head, his little eyes popping open again as he looked with no real focus up in Rollie’s direction.
"Night, little man!" he told his son, and very gently touched his cheek as Angie grasped his little hand for the last time. She was tearing up again, especially hearing the baby cry as the nurse took him from Rollie’s arms. Rollie felt for Angie’s hand, patting it softly and then reached over and kissed her cheek, consoling her.
"Mrs. Tyler, you may want to get a breast pump started. Tomorrow, you may start feeding him," the nurse told her, pointed down at Angie who was drenched over the front of her gown.
"Looks like your milk has come in quickly, most have been due to the crying here!" The nurse said, smiling.
"You’re kidding, the baby cries and I get all wet!" Angie remarked, touching her gown and then, covering herself with the blanket that had been covering her legs.
"Yep, natural phenomenon…come back tomorrow and we can get started on the breast feeding schedule, okay?" the nurse told her and then said to Rollie;
"You have a real charmer, Mr. Tyler. Hope everything turns out for you!" she added, touching his shoulder.
"Thanks, Miss?"
"Darcy, that’s all… call me that."
Rollie nodded and they slowly returned to Angie’s room where the trauma physician awaited Rollie. Rollie had wanted to be left alone for just a little while longer with Angie but he knew he had avoided the medical care he needed long enough. Angie was exhausted and in pain. He knew she needed to sleep and so, with a guided hand, he touched her face, his fingers tracing her lips as he bent over and kissed her.
"Don’t worry, love…they have to do their probes of all my orifices now…lucky me! I’ll be back," he told her as she lay back on her pillow and worried anyway. He was blind and so thin! He was hiding so much from her. What had happened to him for those five months?