Disclaimer: As you all know, unfortunately FX: The Series does not belong to me, and I'm in no way profiting financially from this fanfic, it’s only written for fun. FX is a Fireworks Entertainment Inc. and Winterset Productions Inc. Also produced in association with Rysher Entertainment and Hallmark Entertainment.

The story takes place to the time of the events of “Requiem for a Cop” and “Unfinished  Business”. The episode “Siege” doesn’t find any attention here.

Angie sat in front of her computer in the loft and stared at the screen – something she’d been doing for ten minutes without knowing it. Her thoughts were miles away. She’d done it again. Why? Why did she let them see that she hadn’t wanted Rollie to get involved in one of Leo’s cases again? She’d known how it had to end. She’d known that Rollie couldn’t say no. He could never refuse helping Leo, that’s him, right. Leo was his best friend and Rollie hated everything concerning drugs and weapons, and therefore he had to help Leo, he just had to do it.

She’d decided some time ago that she’d never again let him see her dislike for this kind of pastime. Why had she done it again, why?!

Angie could remember the last time vividly. She’d told him her opinion very clearly and - well, okay, very loudly, and it didn’t matter to her if this was embarrassing in front of Leo. She’d been so angry in that moment. But after she’d driven to her apartment, her anger disappeared. She spent the whole evening worrying – about Rollie and Leo. She knew Rollie could handle the computer okay, but still – it would have been better if she’d taken care of it. Then she’d have known what was going on and she could’ve helped. Rollie could’ve concentrated on other things and she would be with him. But no, she had to let her temper run wild …

As she came to work the next day the atmosphere between them was quite … tense. She was so glad that Rollie was okay, wanted to know how everything went, wanted to apologize – but she couldn’t. A part of her was still mad at … at whom, at Rollie? No, not Rollie – but who else, at Leo? No, not Leo, he’s just doing his job as best he could and he definitely could do it better with Rollie’s help. Well, who was it she was mad at, herself? …

All she could say was “Hi” and “So, how did it go yesterday?” Rollie just looked at her quickly and gave her only a short answer. Was he still mad at her? She could understand it.

As he said “I missed you”, she felt her heart beating quicker, heat rising in her and she wanted to go to him, look into his incredible warm, big brown eyes, give him a hug and say that she was sorry … She was sorry, but she couldn’t move. Instead she only said: “Glad you missed me”. Then Leo came with the videotapes from the parking garage and their conversation ended. Why did Leo have to come in this very moment? New anger rose in her and it was very good that they had to go to the set and she could concentrate on her work.

Both worked the whole day as if nothing had happened and they didn’t speak about it. She hoped against hope that everything would go on as usual.

Angie could remember the feeling that rose in her as they arrived in the loft that evening and Leo called. She didn’t want Rollie to carry on from where he’d stopped yesterday. But she didn’t want to carry on from where she had stopped yesterday either. She didn’t want to quarrel with him. Pointedly she sat down on a chair and tried desperately not to loose control. The whole day she’d tried to analyse why she was so angry and now she knew exactly why.

Rollie was all she had. He was her best friend and her only family. If anything ever happened to him … she wouldn’t know how to go on, didn’t know if it would be possible to go on. She was so terribly scared of loosing him and she didn’t know how to explain it to him without telling him how much she needed him, how much he meant to her and how much she loved him.

Angie shook her head slightly and smiled remembering the following scenes that were imprinted in her memory. She remembered the soft kiss and the promise that he’d never go away. She also remembered when he said they had to go, pulled her from the chair and how suddenly she was in his arms. She wanted to never let him go, had buried her face under his chin and concentrated on not crying. She remembered clearly how she clung to him and she could still feel how his hand comfortingly stroked her hair and back. The hug lasted a very long moment and as they finally parted he just smiled at her and ensured her that everything would be okay. But he wasn’t Mr. Know-it-all, he was just Rollie Tyler and when something went wrong … he wasn’t immortal.

Now he was out there with Leo and Angie sat here, alone with her fear that something terrible could happen. Leo had developed this crazy plan to pose as a weapons dealer and corrupt cop and convict the whole gang. Angie couldn’t believe what she’d heard and told Leo very clearly that it was crazy to stage this whole thing without the knowledge of the Captain. He’d only have Francis, Rollie and her. Not enough, the Italian Mafia was too dangerous. This time she must’ve been very convincing because Rollie insisted that she stay home. Angie had protested fiercely, but when she arrived at the loft this morning, the three of them had already left. Rollie had never before left her out like this, how could he do that to her? She knew he’d need her, she just knew. 

“Rollie, damn it, why are you sometimes so stubborn!!? Where are you?”

Angie became more restless with every passing minute. Suddenly she was sure the whole deal would go wrong, deadly wrong. They hadn’t told her in which warehouse the deal was to take place. Completely distraught, caught between anger and fear, she went to the tv, switched on the news channel and sat down on the couch, completely tense. She listened to the news for about two minutes as the news caster had bad news: there had been a big explosion in a warehouse, police and fire department were there and there were dead and injured people.

Her stomach suddenly was a big tight knot, her heart seemed to stop and she couldn’t get air. Her scream was only a whisper:

“Rollie”

Angie jumped up, snatched the keys for the pickup and drove at breakneck speed to the warehouse the newscaster had mentioned. As she arrived there, she asked herself subconsciously how she had managed to get there without accident. She had no memory of the route she’d driven.

Everything she saw was smoke, police, firemen and … and a line of bodies, dead bodies. At the end of this line stood … Bluey! She stared at Bluey in horror. No, that wasn’t true, that couldn’t be true, that wasn’t Rollie there next to Bluey!!! No!!! She totally refused to spend a single thought on the possibility Rollie could be dead. Rollie was not dead! He was alive, he had to be alive! She would’ve felt it if something had happened to him, she was sure about that. The only thing she could do was to find him. …. Where are you, Rollie?

She looked around desperately, searched, hoped and saw slowly emerging out of the smoke – Rollie!

Anybody who saw her in that moment could see the huge relief on her face. Rollie was alive – thank God!

Angie went through the mass of people, past the bodies, to Rollie. She looked into his eyes and saw his unbearable pain, his unshed tears, his shock and despair. He held Leo’s pocket- watch in his hand and by this let her know that Leo was dead. She couldn’t believe what she saw and heard. Her relief that Rollie was alive turned into shock and grief about Leo’s death. Angie refused to believe that Leo was dead – he just couldn’t be dead, that wasn’t true, was it? She wanted to hug Rollie, hold him, comfort him and get comfort herself, but in this moment Rollie was so remote, more distant than ever before.

Angie knew she had to give him space. She couldn’t suffocate him with her own pain. Rollie hadn’t grasped everything that had happened with all of its consequences yet. He was in complete shock and Angie was utterly helpless in this situation. They stood side by side and couldn’t believe what happened.

Francis was severely injured and had been taken to the hospital. They didn’t know yet if he would make it. But they were told to stay put, there were a lot of questions that had to be answered.

Angie had tried to stay near Rollie, to give him support at least by her physical presence and it was good to know that Rollie was around her. She needed him as much as she thought he needed her. The Captain approached them and introduced Mira Sanchez, a colleague from Internal Affairs.

Angie saw her arrogant attitude at once and was not surprised as Mira Sanchez requested to talk to Rollie alone. But she was infuriated. What did that woman want from Rollie? Why couldn’t she stay with him, what’s going on here?

Angie had driven home while Rollie had to go to the precinct for interrogation. In the quietness of the old brewery Angie sat on the couch and began to cry. She’d always known that the cases Leo worked on were dangerous, and that someday somebody could be hurt or could die. But between the possibility and the fact was a huge difference.

Leo would never come through that door again and drag Rollie to the next bar or force him against the closest wall, cuff him and then count the seconds until Rollie had freed himself. He would never again enter without knocking and get a beer from the fridge.

Leo would never look at her with this surprised look of his when she showed him what she could do with a computer and he would never (unsuccessfully) try to beat Bluey at chess again. Leo was dead! Angie just couldn’t come to grips with the fact that he was dead. Leo had been a part of her life for so long, he’d been Rollie’s best friend and she knew … he’d been her friend as well.

Angie sat huddled on the couch and didn’t realize how time went by. She was preoccupied with thinking about Leo and Rollie. Poor Rollie … Angie couldn’t get the look in Rollie’s eyes, as he told her Leo was dead, out of her mind. Even the thought of how he must feel right now ached.

Rollie had already lost one good friend of his, Rick Forsythe. That wound hadn’t healed yet. And he had, like herself, lost Mannie years ago. She knew from her own experience how much the loss of a beloved person hurt. That time Rollie had been there for her, not only for the funeral and shortly afterwards but permanently. Rollie had been there whenever she’d needed him and she had needed him. For nights she’d lain in his arms and cried. They were incredibly close at that time. She stayed with him all the time or better he stayed with her. As Angie couldn’t bear being alone, they practically lived together for weeks. Only later she realized that he had suppressed his own grief to be strong for her. Suddenly it came to her that she’d never thanked him for this. She had been too occupied with herself. But for Rollie it must’ve been very hard. From one day to the next, he had assumed all the responsibility for the business and for her and he had been so young himself then. Rollie must’ve missed Mannie as she did. Her father was not only Rollie’s boss and mentor. He’d been his best friend at that time and he’d been a kind of father for him, a father Rollie had needed so desperately.

The death of her father still ached and surely it wasn’t different for Rollie.

Then, when Rick died, they had caught the ones responsible for it, but that hadn’t brought Rick back and Rollie had instead concentrated on helping Lucinda. She’d truly loved Rick and Rollie tried to comfort her as much as he could. And again, there was hardly time for his own mourning. Angie was sure he’d buried his grief deep inside his heart and he tried to do what he said in his eulogy: “Who falls, falls and the others go on” – and he went on – without Rick.

And now Leo – Leo was already the third close friend of Rollie’s who’d died in a big explosion. Why always fire? Why always Rollie’s friends? Why did Rollie, who took care and cared so deeply about people, why did he of all people loose that he loved so much?

Her head in her hands Angie sat crouched in a corner of the big couch. She didn’t care that her silent tears soaked her clothes. She only sat there and felt helpless, wretched and alone. Her head throbbed, as if she’d heard the big explosion herself. Determined at least to do something in this matter she stood up and went to the kitchen. She took two aspirins right away and hoped for relief from her ache. After she’d drunk almost the whole glass of water she suddenly got extremely sick. She run upstairs hoping to reach the bathroom in time. Trembling and breathing heavily, she stood first over the toilet, then over the sink.

The sickness was over, but now she felt weak at her knees. Eventually she looked in the mirror and knew she couldn’t face Rollie in that state. Rollie needed her, no matter what happened. If he saw her like that … she had to be strong – strong for him! Angie washed her face carefully, cooled her forehead and finally applied a light make-up. While she was busy doing her hair, the phone rang. Could it be Rollie? She took the steps several at a time to get there as quickly as possible. Bluey still was not completely okay and not much help at the moment.

Angie gripped the receiver and listened. Rollie’s voice was strangely excited. They arranged a meeting point and Angie left the loft in a hurry.

Wow, life with Rollie really wasn’t for the faint of heart. He told her everything about the interrogation at the precinct. That this Sanchez woman should think Rollie was an accomplice and Leo a corrupt cop was just crazy. But she was completely sure of one thing: Rollie would find Leo’s murderers. He just had to get the information Leo had used to bait the weapons dealers. The only person who could help him with this was Francis and he was in the hospital under strict guard. Rollie had gone into the hospital and tried to learn something from Sarah, Francis’ wife. Sarah knew from Francis that Leo had a notebook with information about his snitches hidden in his locker at the precinct. That course of events at the hospital had barely worked out okay. Rollie had been shot. The wound looked really bad, although he said it was only a scratch. Her fears for Rollie came back in full force. She’d asked him what’d be next and he’d answered promptly: “We break into the precinct.” And that’s what he did. Rollie found Leo’s notes and somehow he succeeded in convincing Detective Sanchez that Leo had been a good cop.

Angie was just in the process of making coffee when Rollie came home. He downright crept into the loft and looked horrible, sweaty, dusty, worn out and unbelievable tired. The band-aid on his left cheek was soaked with blood. Angie made a few steps toward him and stopped suddenly. His sadness was visible in his every move, it was in his eyes, in the slight shiver of his lips and in the way he tried to avoid eye contact with her. But there was something else, something that stopped Angie from going to him and taking him in her arms. It was one of his movements that conveyed the sense that he wanted to be alone. He excused himself and went upstairs to the bathroom.

Angie stood in the middle of the loft, alone and at a loss. It hurt to see him like that.

Shortly after that she heard Rollie leave the bathroom, but he didn’t come downstairs. Probably he went to his bedroom. She accepted that he wanted to be alone, but at the same time she could hardly stifle her need to go to him, if only to see him lying asleep on his bed. She wanted to pull the covers around him, caress his hair and whisper to him that she’ll always be there for him.

Instead she sat down before her computer and resumed working. That task didn’t need much attention. But still she had a hard time getting the work done. Angie realized it would not be sensible to go on because she just couldn’t concentrate.

What would the next few days be like? He hadn’t said anything about Leo’s notes and she wasn’t sure if it could help them clear Leo’s and Francis’ name. And which role would the Sanchez play in all this?

Angie couldn’t help it, but she didn’t like that Sanchez woman. She didn’t know exactly why.

The next day, Detective Mira Sanchez came to the loft. She brought with her the evaluation of Leo’s notes and both – Rollie and Angie – wanted to help her get the gang who killed Leo and hurt Francis so severely. The dates in Leo’s book supplied information about the members of the gang, meeting points and the resale of the weapons. Therefore they concentrated on getting the gang when they were to deliver the weapons. Rollie’s technical equipment was a valuable help and Mira realized for the first time what a big help Rollie had been for Leo in solving cases.

They were successful, the whole storehouse full of weapons was blown up and with it part of the gang. The rest of them had been arrested and all that was left were a few licking flames, remains of a weapons depot and the feeling that something had been done for Leo. But it didn’t ease the deep pain and the grief Leo’s death had caused.

They had convinced the high ranks at the department of Leo’s and Francis’s innocence. But all that hadn’t changed Rollie’s mood. He stayed silent and introverted.

An incredible amount of friends and colleagues came to Leo’s funeral. Angie knew most of them. Francis looked better now, although the grief was clearly written in his face. His wife Sarah stood beside him to give him comfort and support. One look at Colleen, Leo’s friend and colleague, and one could see that she’d cried for nights. The Captain and his colleagues mourned honestly about Leo. Angie stood amongst the mourners and fought with her tears. The tears threatened to fall because Leo was dead, but also because with him had died a part of Rollie, a part, that would never come alive again. Angie’s eyes were glued on Rollie’s during the eulogy and the following ceremony. Outward, he stood motionless at Leo’s grave, but she knew that the pain of the death of his best friend was eating him up inside. It made her sick to see him like that but what hurt her, too, was the fact that he wouldn’t let her be close to him.

Perhaps he thought it was partially her fault that Leo was dead. Perhaps he thought she hadn’t liked Leo. She’d been the one who never wanted him to help Leo. Perhaps it was partly her fault. Perhaps he wouldn’t want her around anymore, at least not privately.           Suddenly, the tears streamed across her cheeks and with every further dark thought it grew worse. Now she was glad she hadn’t gotten a place next to him. But that hurt too. During the funeral she couldn’t stand at his side and his look diverted only once from the coffin – and it went to Mira Sanchez.

Angie fled from the funeral, unconscious of the looks that followed her. She had to move, had to think, she had to make rules for how to behave in the future, she just had to get away from there.

After she had wandered aimlessly around Manhattan for over two hours, she suddenly realized she stood at the top of the Battery Park. She was exhausted and depressed. She leaned heavily on the railing and looked into the distance. She didn’t know why she suddenly filed into the queue of tourists who wanted to catch the ferry to the Statue of Liberty.

It was early afternoon as she set foot on Ellis Island. Together with the mass of tourists she climbed to the observation platform of Lady Liberty. She managed to get hold of a place at the railing, which could be her retreat for the next few hours.

The sun stood high in the cloudless sky and its rays warmed Angie’s body, and after a certain time her soul as well.

The view of the skyline of New York was breathtaking. The sun with its rays turned  the glassy twin towers of the World Trade Center into shimmering diamond sticks and in them one could see the outlines of old and new architecture in all colours. The bright sunbeams managed to make all buildings appear new and clean. The towers of the WTC were the only buildings that had the same form. Manhattan had hundreds of skyscrapers. But every one of them was unique. She let her look wander to the right side and saw the Brooklyn Bridge. Hundreds of cars rolled non-stop into another part of the city that never sleeps. The East River had several bridges, but the Brooklyn Bridge was something special. She couldn’t explain why, it just was. Angie watched as every half hour the ferry to Staten Island took off, with hundreds of people on it who went home after a long day at work.

The sun now stood lower in the sky and Angie roamed with her eyes the surroundings of the Hudson River. The city of New York ended where the Hudson River started. The bustle on the water was a sign of the huge industrial area on the riverbank. Here she couldn’t recognize any bridges. On the other side of the river was another state, New Jersey.

Angie had been living for a long time in New York, and of course she knew what went on in the city. But how long had it been since she took time to come here and enjoy this incredible view? When you live here, you don’t visit such tourist places, and besides, her life was very rich and busy, so there was not much free time.

A deep sigh rose from her. Maybe, that would change now.

For 13 years she had spent almost every free minute with Rollie, aside from a few climbing trips to Yosemite National Park. Since she had started working for Tyler FX after college, there had hardly been time for a real vacation. Rollie and she had always been glad that they had enough offers to do movies. And those offers came, because both of them were really good at what they did. She was proud of it and she knew that Rollie was wrapped up in his work as well. Usually they even worked on weekends. On their few free evenings, they met with friends.

She smiled as she remembered her 12^th birthday. It was the first birthday she spent together with Rollie. Her father – like on every birthday – had awakened her with a cake. This year there were twelve candles on it. Oh, she loved this recurring ceremony. As she awoke her Dad took her softly in his arms and told her how happy he was to have such a big girl with him. Then he congratulated her on her special day and she could see in his beaming eyes how much he loved her. And she loved him. Her Dad was the best Dad in the world, for sure. And she knew how much he made an effort to be mother and father for her. He was so great, so attentive, so caring and still set an example and was a guide for her. He taught her so many things without being moralistic about it. That’s why she loved him so much and on days like these she was fully aware of it. She scooted over on her bed to make room for him. Angie knew they would have breakfast in bed, as always on her birthday. Breakfast was great, it smelled of freshly made blueberry muffins, fried bacon, cocoa and extinct candles. As Angie had blown out all the candles at once, she therefore had a free wish. With her wish in the back of her mind, she had snuggled up to her Dad and with her mouth still full asked:

“What are we doing today, Dad?”

He had an unreadable expression in his eyes and told her that today he only had time for her until noon, because the studio had demanded he take part in an important meeting.

“You are not mad or disappointed, Angie, are you? You know I’d rather spend the day with you”

She had shaken her head and hugged him closely.

“Well, then out of the bed with you, we’ll go for a bike ride. The picnic basket is already packed”

“What about Rollie, is he coming as well?”

“He will be here at noon, when I have to go, okay?”

Yes, that was okay, although she liked it more when her father and Rollie were with her and it would have been especially nice on her birthday. She didn’t want to ask where Rollie was since her father perhaps would ask her if he alone was not enough for her. He had asked her that very question once, in a situation quite similar, and she didn’t want to repeat it. She still thought that he was a bit hurt then.

She had a real nice morning with her Dad at Central Park and as they came back Rollie was already at the loft. He sat on the couch and next to him was a travel bag. As he saw Angie, he stood up and went to her to congratulate her. She didn’t look at him but only stared at the bag and before he could say anything he heard Angie’s upset words:

“Are you going away????”

“Huh? Well, I thought we could go together”, he said and grinned slightly embarrassed at her (oh, he was so cute then – well – only then???).

“Where to?”

“Well, it is your birthday, so what about …. Disneyland?” His eyes gleamed with pleasure. She hadn’t suspected a thing. Rollie completely surprised her and she saw in his eyes how happy he was about that.

“Disneyland? We’re going to Disneyland? Wow!!!”

She jumped at him and he lifted her up so she could wrap her little arms around his neck. She hugged him as hard as she could and he whispered in her ear, “Happy Birthday, Sweetie”.

A cold blast dragged her back to the present. It had been so many years since then, what had happened? Would she lose Rollie as a friend? She knew him so well. Often they could communicate without words. One look was enough to understand each other. Why didn’t she know what to do now? What had she done wrong? Why was Rollie rejecting her?

Was he really rejecting her, or was she imagining it? Had he really sent her away? Or had she gone away on her own impulse? Had she left Rollie alone in the hours after the funeral, when he perhaps needed her? She should’ve been there for him, but she was at the Statue of Liberty for hours. Her urge to see Rollie was suddenly overwhelming. She had to go to Brewery Lane, immediately.

After the funeral Rollie had talked with some of Leo’s friends and finally stayed at Leo’s gravesite alone. He only stood there, his mind full with memories of Leo. His death would leave a gap he could never close. Another piece of his heart had been ripped out violently. He didn’t know how many more funerals he could stand. Rollie was sure he was at the end of his strength. His mother, Mannie, Rick and now Leo – just to name a few.

“I will miss you Leo – I miss you already”.

Poor Angie, Rollie had seen how she suffered and felt he had to give her space. He couldn’t load his grief on her as well. Perhaps he should send her on vacation for a week. Then both of them could recover. It would be no problem with the movie they were shooting. The crew wouldn’t need them for two weeks. There was no need to be on the set before that time and he could take care of the other things they needed at the loft. That would keep him occupied. As he took this decision he looked one last time at Leo’s grave and slowly went out of the cemetery.

Francis had asked him if he and Angie wanted to come to the Gatti’s after the funeral but Rollie had declined. Angie had left the cemetery early and he didn’t want to be alone with Francis and Sarah. He would go home, take a hot shower and later try to catch up on some sleep. Rollie knew he should also talk to Angie. Okay, as soon as she was at home he would talk to her first thing. She surely would be glad to have a free week, she hadn’t been on vacation for ages and he knew how urgently she needed rest.

It was already dark when Angie reached the loft and the door was locked. Surely Rollie was still with Leo’s friends. So she would wait for him. Angie was exhausted and thirsty. With a bottle of water she sat down on the couch. It only took a few minutes and she was fast asleep.

It was already morning when she awoke. Rollie was awake as well and she started to say good morning to him when she saw the two travel bags near the door. She asked him about them and Rollie told her he was going away. Without Rick and Leo he couldn’t stand New York anymore right now. Angie suddenly couldn’t breathe. She felt as if the ground under her feet gave way. Her stomach hurt. Rollie’s going away?! Where, … how long …? She wanted to beg him to stay, but she knew it was useless, he had already decided.  She couldn’t let him go just like that! With complete terror in her voice she called his name. But he went out of the big green door without looking back. She cried after him once more, louder this time – and eventually woke up from the nightmare.

Angie was wide awake now and covered in sweat. She took a deep breath, it was dark around her, so it was still night. Thank God, it only had been a dream! She looked at the clock, it was 11:10 p.m. and Rollie still wasn’t home. Had it really been only a dream? Where was he? Suddenly, she saw the clothes Rollie had worn at the funeral. So he had been at home at some point, or was he still there? She couldn’t suppress her urge to see Rollie at once. Angie couldn’t stand up fast enough. She had to be sure. Silently, on the tips of her toes she climbed the stairs to his bedroom. The door was closed … what did that mean? He closed that door very rarely. Perhaps he was not alone? Whatever … she had to know.

As silently as possible she opened the door and looked inside. Rollie lay on his bed, in a fetal position, alone, only partly covered and he was obviously having a bad dream. He moaned from time to time and murmured something she couldn’t make out. She tiptoed to his side and gently covered him with the warm blanket. For a brief moment he frowned and grumbled some syllables. Then his face relaxed. Very carefully and slowly Angie sat on the bed. Rollie looked so very young and peaceful when asleep. His face was hardly lined and the fresh scar on his cheek was covered by brown wavy tendrils of hair. Angie instinctively had to smile. He slept like a baby. She stayed for another moment close to him and carefully stroked his hair. She had dreamt of doing this hundred times, and this time she couldn’t resist. He sighed silently and then slept quietly. Angie stayed where she was, watched him sleeping and remembered her nightmare. She shuddered, although the room was warm.

After a while, Angie knew she had to go. If Rollie awoke right now she would really have a problem explaining why she was here in his bedroom. Finally she brushed some curls of hair out of his face. “Promise me you won’t go away”, she whispered in his ear, before leaving his room on tiptoes.

Angie decided to go home. Rollie for sure would sleep until the next morning. She hoped he would, he had looked so tired the last few days. Sighing, she put on her jacket and silently left the loft.

At home she realized she had neglected her stomach the whole day. With an empty belly she wouldn’t sleep very well. On her way to the fridge she saw the light on the answering machine blinking. Suddenly she had an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach, forgot that she was hungry and pressed the button.

“Hi Ange”, she heard Rollie’s sad voice, “I am too tired to wait for you tonight, but I wanted you to know that you can sleep in tomorrow. I think it will be good for both of us to take some vacation – only a few days. Get some rest, and please be here at the loft again one week from tomorrow. Take care, Rollie”

Angie looked at the machine like it was a poisonous snake. What was that? Had she understood it correctly? She played the tape back and listened to it again. There was no doubt. Rollie had said goodbye to her for a week. So, what did that mean? At first her nightmare came back to her. Would Rollie go away? No, no, then he would’ve said it differently. And she suddenly remembered that Rollie had promised her that he’d never go away. He would keep his promise. She felt relief for a short time, but after a few seconds it changed into another concern.

Angie sat down heavily on a chair and completely surrendered to brooding. She knew they weren’t needed at the set for two weeks, but there were still many things to prepare. Why did Rollie send her on a vacation right now? The longer she thought about it the more she tensed up in her chair. Unconsciously she had wrapped her arms around her knees and tried to hide her head in her lap. She thought of the last few days, of his look when he told her Leo was dead, his look after he came home from the precinct and how he avoided looking at her at the funeral and how he sounded on the answering machine. It was clear he didn’t want her near him. Tears streamed down her face. She had no reason to hold them back. Angie was alone, and she felt so wretched, so helpless. Would she loose Rollie – or had she already lost him? How could she help him get over Leo’s death when she wasn’t near him? Angie didn’t know what to think or do. The only thing she knew was that she had to find a way to help Rollie, no matter how and no matter her own feelings. Somehow she was sure Rollie needed her now, even when he didn’t want to see her. But she would respect his wish and stay away from him for the next few days.

The week slowly crawled along. Rollie was deep in his preparations for the next gag and already on the second day he realized how much he needed Angie’s help. Some things he just couldn’t do without the computer and Angie’s skill with it, and he always took much longer to do these things. But he had promised her this vacation and he didn’t want to retract this promise now. Yet, it was funny that she hadn’t reacted to his call.

Well, … perhaps she had taken advantage of the spare time and gone away, perhaps climbing? That really would do her good and provide a distraction her. Rollie played with the thought of calling her landlady and ask her if she had instructions to feed Chiops. He frowned, shook his head and rejected this possibility. All he had to do to be sure was to pick up the receiver and dial her number. But what would he tell her? ‘Hi Angie, when you have no other plans come to work, I need you on the computer?!’ No, he wouldn’t do that to Angie. She needed the few days of free time. The dark circles under her eyes were proof enough. Surely she hadn’t gotten any more sleep lately than he had. Rollie sighed audibly, he should’ve talked to her ….

Angie couldn’t stay at home any longer. Her apartment was thoroughly tidied up and cleaned, she had bought enough food for the next six months, had gone to the hairdresser’s and answered all her emails. At the moment, she only had one wish – to see how Rollie was. The last few days she had hardly slept. Every time she went to bed she had the strangest premonitions. Now it was so bad that she was literally afraid to go to bed. It couldn’t go on like that. Tomorrow morning she would go to Rollie and just see what happened. That decision taken, she eventually fell into a troubled, but dreamless sleep.

Rollie realized with disappointment that there was really nothing edible at all – especially for breakfast - in his fridge. It was high time for some grocery shopping, which would distract him for a while from other things as well. He snatched the keys for the pickup and drove to Greenwich Village, where he shopped a lot with Angie. Therefore it was not surprising that almost every clerk sent greetings for her. Oh boy, he really wanted her to be with him. In the supermarket he unconsciously put a lot of things Angie liked most in his basket. He was at the checkout counter before he realized this and he had to smile – God, how he missed her! But after this weekend life eventually would be back to normal. Hopefully!!

The loft was locked. Frowning, Angie searched for her keys.

“Bluey, lights!” she called to the little robot. The lights went on and Bluey approached her, barking happily.

“Hi Bluey, are you okay again, little guy?”

She crouched down to pat him softly on his head. Bluey’s tail wagged excitedly. Rollie had finished the repairs, so it seemed. But where was he?

“Rollie?”

Obviously he was not at home. She went to the fridge to get a soda.

“Ugh, completely empty – men!”

Angie made a mental note to stock the fridge today and went up the stairs to her clean room. Her computer was booted up and she became absorbed in what she recognized as fragments for their next gag.

As Rollie turned into Brewery Lane, somehow he sensed that Angie was near. Whoa, that’s enough now, Rollie, he mentally scolded himself. But then he was more than perplexed as he entered the loft and saw Angie’s keys on the table.

“Angie?!” he shouted, “where are you?”

“Up here, hi.”

“Hi, nice to see you, but what are you doing here today?”

“Uh, … yeah …”

“Doesn’t matter, it’s great you’re here. Have you already discovered the problem with the bridge gag?”

They talked about the problem while Rollie stowed the groceries away and worked on a  solution for the next few hours. Angie prepared a late lunch and inwardly enjoyed all the yummy things Rollie had bought in the morning. They had so much work to do that they hardly found time to eat. Before Angie realized it, it was after 10 p.m. Hurriedly she packed her things, shouted a “Bye, until tomorrow” to Rollie and went home.

“Bye, Angie”, but she was already gone. Rollie looked at his watch – so late already? Wow, time really flew, but they managed to get a lot of work done in the last several hours. Angie had found the perfect solution for the bridge gag and they’d also prepared the hologram for the next scene. The day was great, no … Angie was great!

Unconsciously Rollie frowned, … he hadn’t talked to her, actually, at least not about what he should have talked to her about. He sighed, she seemed to be okay … wasn’t she? She will be okay, Angie was so strong, much stronger than any other person he knew. Exhausted he rubbed his eyes, yawned and decided to work for a little while longer.

Angie was completely spent as she arrived at her apartment. The loss of sleep over the last few days and the exhausting workday now came down on her. Today hadn’t been as bad as she’d thought. Angie wouldn’t have been able to explain why she came to the loft today. But luckily she didn’t have to. Rollie seemed not to mind. Perhaps everything somehow would be back to normal. Exhausted she snuggled into the soft pillows of her couch and leaned her head on the backrest. Her eyes closed, she let her thoughts wander. But no matter at what point she started, she ended always with her best friend. He hadn’t said anything about Leo’s death or about the funeral or anything personal. Actually, he hadn’t talked much at all … but at least they had succeeded in getting ahead with the project. They worked hand in glove, almost as before and it was fun. Nevertheless, Rollie still looked exhausted and one could see his grief in his eyes. How could she help him? Angie decided to go to the bakery early the next morning and make a real good breakfast for him. Then perhaps she could … no, she wouldn’t be the one to touch on the painful things. She would only be there. Being there was support as well, nobody knew that better than she did.

The days went by. They were filled with work and Rollie had put on a smiling face, played basketball in the morning like always and sometimes he even made her laugh. But she had seen his sadness, when he thought himself unobserved. What really hurt was that they didn’t talk about private things. It was like their friendship had turned into a pure working relationship.

One morning, as Rollie played basketball and Angie was busy with some devices in the van, she heard a car coming and soon after that a well-known voice – the voice of Mira Sanchez. Rollie seemed to enjoy seeing her – but not Angie. She only came to remind Rollie of Leo and perhaps because she needed something from him. When would these cops learn that Rollie was no cop? He didn’t need to solve their cases! It was like a nightmare, first Leo and now Mira Sanchez continued in the same path. Couldn’t they let Rollie live his life?

No, Detective Sanchez wouldn’t go away. There were still too many open questions concerning Leo’s death. She told them that the bookkeeper of this gang wanted to spill the beans and had been taken into protective custody. He wanted to give them some information about the big fish who ordered Leo’s death. But that wasn’t enough to get these guys. Rollie immersed himself in the case. He wanted these guys to be caught as badly as Mira did. What was there left for Angie to do to help them? She did what she could, without letting her loathing show.

Francis was absolutely dissatisfied with how the case was progressing and decided to go off alone. He came to the loft and asked Rollie to turn him into a hired hitman. Rollie didn’t ask if all this was with the Captain’s permission, because he too had only one goal – to get the ones responsible for Leo’s death behind bars. Angie’s common sense told her that she had to intervene. And so she tried to talk them out of it. It just was too dangerous. Francis was Rollie’s friend too, should Rollie loose him as well? Francis had family, too, and Angie liked this little, always-friendly guy with his big heart. What they planned was insane! But she failed to get the message across to the two men. Rollie’s reaction wasn’t what she had wished for. On the contrary, it hurt and afterwards she couldn’t help but withdraw into herself.

Rollie must’ve seen something in her behaviour, because as she took her bike that evening to go home he apologized. She accepted it, but his further attempt to cheer her up misfired completely. He shouldn’t tell her, one week after she had been to the hairdresser’s, that he liked her short hair. A woman really doesn’t want to hear that a week later. Angie just wanted to get home and to forget this day.

Mira stormed into the old brewery and almost collided with Angie. She was really upset. Francis had fallen into the hands of the Mafia. Still full of anger, she demanded Rollie answer her questions.

The following hours of waiting were painful, most of all for Rollie. He had helped Francis to put his insane plan into action, and therefore he felt responsible and guilty. Rollie was in the precinct with Mira and the Captain almost the whole night.

When Sarah came to the precinct and wanted to know where her husband was the whole situation came to a head. The bad guys let Sarah know they had her husband. Mira told her the whole story and Sarah, desperate as she was, tried to seek comfort in Rollie’s arms. She just wanted Francis back. Rollie didn’t know how to console her. But as usual in hopeless situations, he worked out a plan true to his motto – there is always a way. They set up a meeting with the bad guys in a remote area where they wanted to exchange Francis for the Mafia’s bookkeeper. And thanks to Rollie’s ingenuity, the help of his friends and some movie magic, they freed Francis and got the rest of the gang behind bars.

Angie stood alone at the van as Rollie gave Francis a bear hug. Rollie was so glad that Francis was alive – and Sarah more so. Mira was happy, too, and the case finally was closed – her first case at Midtown South. Angie looked at these four people who were so happy at the moment and she didn’t begrudge them this joy with all her heart. But what about her own heart, her own joy? She packed all their devices into the van and drove back to the loft. Rollie had to go to the precinct with the others. They would drive him home later. Angie didn’t wait until everything was settled she just wanted to get away from here. Morning was already breaking as she parked the van in the garage. She didn’t get out but just sat and stared straight ahead. Almost two weeks had passed since Leo’s death and she felt as bad as on the first day.

“How can all this go on?” she asked herself over and over.

After Angie realized brooding wouldn’t help her, she finally got out of the van, locked the loft and walked to her apartment. On the way home she decided to buy two bunches of flowers, and changed her course. She went to the cemetery, first to her father’s grave. She hadn’t been there for a while and she talked to him for some time in her mind. It must’ve been quite a while, because as she got up to resume her walk she felt warm sunbeams on her back. But they couldn’t reach her heart.

With a sad sigh, the second bunch of flowers in her hand, she went to Leo’s grave.

Angie carefully removed the withered flowers left from the funeral and rearranged the remaining ones with hers. Then she sat down and stared at the inscription. She didn’t know how long she had sat there, and she didn’t pay attention to the other visitors.

Angie cried. The tears didn’t only wet her cheeks but her clothes as well and as if Leo had asked her why she cried she told him everything that depressed her.

When Rollie arrived at the loft he saw that Angie had gone. He looked for a message, but didn’t find any. Instead he found her cell phone on the table. She must’ve forgotten it. Angie should’ve been here, where was she? He called at her apartment, but only got her answering machine. So she wasn’t home, what now? Was she still mad because he had snapped at her? He thought back to that moment and regretted his outburst. Why had he reacted like that? What had gotten into him? He’d wanted to get Leo’s murderer so bad, but that had almost resulted in getting Francis killed, and Angie knew that. At least he had apologized. Angie was not unforgiving, she never was.

He stood in the middle of the loft and didn’t know what to do. Where was she? He called some of her friends, but no one had seen her for the last two weeks. It wasn’t that he needed her to be here for work. He just had to know where she was. Somehow he always had to know where she was, ever since they had met for the first time. It had never been a problem in the past. Through the years, it had been natural that one always knew where the other was. That was an agreement they never had to seal with words. But now everything was different, she hadn’t told him where she had been that one free week.

He slowly sat down on the edge of his couch and sighed heavily. He hadn’t asked either. Rollie had to admit that he didn’t know what Angie had done since Leo’s death. They hadn’t talked about it.

Suddenly it came to him … they hadn’t said one private word in THE LAST 14 DAYS!! Damn it! …. Angie …. I am sorry!

He laid his head back on the headrest, closed his eyes and thought back to earlier times. When Angie was still a little girl, he sometimes picked her up from school and she never could conceal from him when she was worried. During those times, they would go to the park. There they would’ve taken a stroll, fed the ducks and eventually she would sit on his lap and tell him about her worries, her head buried in his shirt.

And he could very clearly remember the times when he was in a bad mood and Angie always found a way to be near him until she succeeded in cornering him alone. Then she would snuggle up to him or hug him and whisper in his ear “What’s up?” She had been so small then, but she was like a warm ray of sun and she always succeeded in cheering him up. Angie was a good listener. Was she still? Was he still a good listener? It was hard, when nobody was talking.

Why were they now in this situation? They had been through so much together and it never hurt their friendship, why was this break now between them? He didn’t want that. Due to work, they already led an exciting life, not to mention the police work they did. He needed their relationship to be harmonic. His wellbeing depended on it and he knew that Angie felt the same way. He frowned and suddenly had a queasy feeling. What if she didn’t feel the same way ….

Perhaps she didn’t want it anymore. The relationship they had was never one of employer and employee. It was so much more. Over all these years Angie had been his family. Should that change now? Why?

Perhaps she met someone he didn’t know of yet. Did Angie have a boyfriend? He felt a knot in his stomach. Could it be that Angie would leave him? Suddenly he felt sick and he had to get some air. Rollie couldn’t imagine life without Angie. He didn’t know what to do without her. The thought had never occurred to him that one day Angie would want to go on her own way, not since she started working with him after finishing college. He looked around the loft. Everything in here belonged to her as well, not only physically, but also mentally. He had been so used to her being around that he had taken it for granted. But he shouldn’t have. This sudden realization shocked him. He tried to think for a moment how his life would be without Angie but he couldn’t. Angie was such a big part of his life. He just couldn’t imagine how it would be not to hear her voice anymore. He needed her straightforwardness, her curiosity and her judgment. He needed her vigor, her wealth of invention, her strong will and even her needling. Sometimes she drove him crazy, but she was always there for him. He remembered how her hair glistened in the sun and how her blue eyes sparkled when he made her laugh, ... her laugh … Angie where are you now? Just the thought that he could – for whatever reason – loose her hurt so much that he had to leave the loft where he suddenly felt so lonely.

Rollie walked through the streets, looked into shops and restaurants, where they had been together a hundred times, but nowhere did he see Angie’s face. Where was she and why hadn’t they, in the last two weeks, talked to each other like before? For two weeks-,... since Leo’s death.... Think Rollie, think!  Had he said anything to Angie that hurt her deeply? If yes, then he hadn’t intended to. Rollie racked his brain. What had happened? Step for step he tried to remember. Yes, that must’ve been it: she is still mad because I went with Leo to the warehouse without her. Yes, now he was quite sure that had to be it. The danger was too great that something might happen to Angie, he couldn’t take that risk … But afterwards she had talked to him normally, none of the temper tantrums he sometimes feared so much. Maybe, it was something else. He should have talked to her. But he had been so immersed in his own grief about Leo’s death, he felt he couldn’t talk to her about it and burden her with his own grief as well. She didn’t deserve it. He saw how much she suffered already. It had broken his heart to see her pain at the funeral. But she stood so far away from him, he hadn’t known how to console her. Why had she been so far away? He had expected her to stand beside him, but instead he stood alone at the coffin. He had missed her.

He was so confused now that he didn’t know what to think. He just had to find her then everything would fall into place. His legs took him still further away from the loft and at some point he didn’t know where else to look, but his legs went on walking, unconscious while he was brooding.

Angie sat before Leo’s grave and unconsciously wiped the tears from her face.

“Leo, you don’t know what you are doing to us, do you?”

She tried to glare angrily at the tombstone, but she couldn’t. Her look fell on the dates, written so clearly in the stone.

“You weren’t old enough to go, just like Dad and Rick! There was still so much to live for, to see for Rollie and you”, she silently added.

“Rollie cannot bear it, Leo. He has already lost so much. He doesn’t eat, doesn’t sleep and doesn’t talk … at least not with me. He thinks I didn’t like you, but that’s not true – well, yeah, I didn’t like it when you pulled him into every new case. It was your job, Leo – not Rollie’s! You never thought about how much danger you put him in, how many hours I anxiously waited for both of you, how often my heart almost stopped because Rollie once again sat in an overturning car or was just lucky enough not to be hit by a bullet that was meant for him. I sat there countless times - either in the van or in the loft -, hoping against hope that you would be back safe and sound. Leo, you couldn’t even guess what Rollie means to me!”

She sighed, took a deep breath and tried to calm down. After a short time she continued.

“Everything was so natural … But I don’t want to be unjust. You were always there for Rollie as well, you were a good friend to him over all these years – and you were my friend, too.”

New tears ran down her face.

“Leo, you were the last best friend he had. Rollie has lost all his best friends, I don’t know if he’ll have the strength …”, she paused for a moment to take a quivering breath, “and now I am in the process of losing my best friend”.

She laid her head on her knees and cried uncontrollably.

Suddenly Rollie realized where he was. He stood in front of Mannie’s grave.

“Hi Mannie – I’m sorry! … I promised you I’d take good care of Angie … but...I wasn’t very good at that task, because ….”

His eyes fell on the flowers. Angie must’ve been here. The flowers were still fresh. She had been here today! His pulse quickened and he felt his heart beat faster. His dejection was suddenly replaced by excitement. He looked around and stared in the direction of the newly laid graves. Then he looked to the three birches, where Leo’s grave was. He was quite near when he finally saw Angie. She was crouched down in front of Leo’s grave talking. Rollie hadn’t the courage to disturb her, and so he stayed in the trees, not sure what to do. He hadn’t intended to eavesdrop, but the wind brought her words direct to him. And as he heard them, so full of worry, full of pain, it broke his heart and he had to struggle to keep his tears from falling.

“Angie …, I didn’t want that to happen … I …”, he whispered.

He couldn’t stand there any longer and watch Angie sink into her grief still further. Slowly he walked to her, touched her softly on the shoulder and whispered “Angie, I’m sorry”.

Angie jerked so violently that he let her go immediately. Then their looks locked and countless words and feelings were exchanged silently between them. Angie and Rollie both cried, but they didn’t mind. After a short while, Rollie sat down behind Angie and carefully wrapped his arms around her. At once Angie pulled his arms even closer to her and didn’t let them go.

“… Angie, you are not going to lose your best friend and I haven’t lost my best friend. Leo was a very, very good friend and I miss him so much that it hurts physically, but I still have my best friend,” he whispered softly in her ear.

“I know, … he isn’t really dead … not as long as we still think of him”, she whispered back. He nodded and softly added,

“Yes, but you are my best friend, Ange – you have been for the last 13 years, and that will never change. I know, I don’t tell you that enough and I am sorry about that, but you are the most important person in my life and I need you …”

He turned her halfway to him but still had his arms around her. He felt her tremble and that told him how much she needed him. He needed her as well and didn’t want to let her go. So they sat there silently for a while. Angie snuggled up to him like a kitten and softly said,

“Rollie, I really liked Leo, you know ….” 

“Shhh … yes, I know, and I know you were afraid …”

“I didn’t want to stand between you.”

“I know sweetie, and I understand you, please believe me”. He kissed her forehead, her cheek and the tip of her nose.

“You know I love you, … love you very much … you know that, don’t you?” he murmured and stroked her hair. She nodded and looked into his warm, wonderful, brown eyes. ‘But you don’t know how much I love you’, she thought sadly. Suddenly, seemingly without her own volition she pulled herself up a bit and kissed him on the cheek, very close to his lips. She didn’t dare to kiss him directly on his lips. As it was, she was unsure of his reaction to this kiss. Usually, she wasn’t the one to show her affection so openly.

But Rollie couldn’t and didn’t want to let Angie go, he needed to hold her tightly. He was totally surprised by her kiss and felt a very comforting, thrilling and warm feeling come all over him, but he wasn’t ready to analyze his feelings right now. So he just pulled her closer and deeply inhaled the wonderful scent of her hair, closed his eyes and wished he could hold her like that forever. Both drew strength and new courage from the tenderness and warmth of each other. After a long while Angie raised her head and said, “Rollie”.

But his hand that pulled her head back to his chest stopped her. He stroked her hair and wasn’t ready to give up her closeness and warmth.

“Yes …”

Angie again snuggled close to him and said,

“Please promise me that, come what may, we never ever give each other the silent treatment again. I’d rather endure a burst of rage than your silence, which shuts me out of your life so entirely. I don’t want to feel the fear of losing you ever again.”

He didn’t want that either. Rollie was so glad that he hadn’t lost Angie. Very slowly he put his finger under her chin and forced her to look into his eyes. They were wide open. Angie looked into the brown depths of his wonderful eyes directly into his soul and she felt an incredible warmth as he promised her he wouldn’t ever let it come so far again.

After a moment his seriousness changed and she could see an impish glare in his look. Oh, how well she knew this look and how overjoyed she was to see it again.

“I bet you’ll regret what you said, ...that you’d rather endure a burst of rage from me …,” he whispered in her ear and grinned at her. Angie grasped the corner of his coat and pulled his head down while she threw him a similar grin.

“Be careful, Rol …”, she said, still grinning.

“Oh yeah, I will be very careful, Ma’am”, he said laughing. He tried to stand up and pulled Angie with him. They had sat on the ground for too long a time, their legs refused to obey.

“Oh boy, I am too old for this”, Rollie moaned and they both laughed. This laughing felt wonderful, and it was long overdue.

Finally they threw a look at Leo’s grave and grew serious again.

“I will miss him”, Angie whispered and Rollie laid his arm around her shoulder and answered,

“Me too, Ange, me too … Come on, let’s go home”.