"What?" Angie looked at him with her big blue eyes, totally stunned.
Rollie made no move.
"Rollie!" Angie smiled and tried to wrest her hand free.
"Answer me," Rollie looked deep into her eyes and wouldn't let her hand go.
"I...I...." Angie stammered.
"Yes?"
"I...I haven't given him an answer yet," she admitted as she pulled her hand free. Angie moved to the other side of the room. She was getting too warm where she was. What was with Rollie anyway?
Rollie sighed as his head went down.
"I've been a fool..."
"What?"
Rollie felt as if he needed to push ahead despite his earlier resolve that Angie would be better off without any involvement in his life. Rollie somehow felt that his future and Angie's future hinged on him pushing ahead now. He also realized something else about Angie and went over to her as she was standing against the wall. He placed his hands on the wall on either side of her head. Angie looked up at him, feeling slightly cornered.
"Rollie?"
"Angie? Do you love Paul?"
"What?"
"You heard me. I've never actually heard you say it."
"Rollie, c'mon. This is ridiculous. We should be thinking of a way out of here...." Angie tried to move Rollie's arm, but he wouldn't budge. She decided to change the subject. "C'mon Rollie, let's use your sweatshirt this time and break out of here --"
"You're avoiding the question."
Angie wouldn't look at Rollie, "I'm not! I care about Paul. You know that."
"Enough to marry him? To spend the rest of your life with him?"
Angie swallowed. She was starting to get angry and she didn't know why, "Rollie? Why are you doing this? What is this about?"
Rollie swallowed hard this time. He realized he was opening doors both he and Angie were afraid to open. Question was; how badly did he want to know the answers?
"I need to know Angie. I need to know if you love Paul without a doubt. Because if you do then--"
"Stop it!" Angie tried to go under his arms, "that's enough. Let me go!"
Rollie hand went to Angie's neck, caressing it, as she stopped squirming, "No. We should have had this talk a long time ago after Loubar. But you kept telling me that you were fine. I should have tied you to a chair and forced you to listen to me."
Angie shook her head, "tied me to a chair, huh? Oh that's nice."
"Oh c'mon Ange. You know what I mean," Rollie rubbed his hands through his hair. He was not about to let this degenerate into anger and blame. "Don't you see, Angie I can't let this go. Not until I know for sure that's what you want," there was no turning back for Rollie now.
Rollie placed a finger under her chin, raising her face up to his. He looked deep into her eyes for a moment. He was about to lean in for a kiss when Angie placed her hand on his chest to stop him.
"I'm warning you Rollie," her eyes were deadly serious.
Rollie smiled, "You're warning me?"
"Yeah," she replied, "I'm warning you. Don't start something you can't finish," she pushed his arm from the wall and moved and past him.
Rollie caught her arm and pulled her to him. "What are you afraid of Ange?" he asked as his lips brushed hers.
Angie saw the intensity in Rollie's brown eyes and it scared her, "Don't!" she warned again, "I told you, if you do this --" she tried to move away again.
His mouth came down on hers softly at first, and then more demanding as his mouth was probing hers.
"You'll what?" he asked as his tongue pushed its way into her mouth.
"Oh God!" she cried breathlessly. Her lips parted, letting him in.
"Rollie...." Angie murmured breathlessly, as Rollie kissed her neck. She felt as if she were on fire. Her arms wrapped around Rollie's neck, pulling him close.
He took in the sweet smell of her hair, her skin. This felt so right to him. They were kissing wildly, their hands searching, Rollie's hips swaying into hers.
Suddenly Angie put her hands on his chest, softly pushing him away.
"Rollie, I can't. I can't!"
Rollie broke the kiss and smiled down at her. He thought of the old adage, she was saying no, but her lips were saying yes. He held her around the waist.
"You want me to stop?"
"Yes. No," Angie whispered, "I don't know what I want. What are you doing to me here?" she had tears in her eyes as she brought her hand up to her mouth. She felt her cheeks flush.
Rollie cupped Angie's face in his hands.
"I'm sorry, Angie."
"You are?" she almost cried, thinking he was sorry for the kiss. Great, she thought, I warned him not to start something he couldn't finish.
Rollie pulled away from her, "I'm sorry for what Loubar did to you, for not being able to protect you, for not being able to help you afterwards. I imagine Paul helped you through all that. And I'm grateful for that, I am. But I wish that you would have let me help you."
Angie's heart lifted involuntarily when she realized that he wasn't sorry for the kiss. It hurt her too that he blamed himself for what happened. She shook her head, "Rollie, Paul didn't help me. Not with that," she said, almost apologetically as she moved away from him, "I got counseling from the crisis center. I still go sometimes. Mira was a big help too. I'm sorry I didn't turn to you. I know how badly you felt too. But you have to understand; it was something I had to deal with on my own. And well, I thought...I was afraid that I would make you uncomfortable. And I was afraid of how uncomfortable I would feel too, I guess. I was afraid of how what I did changed things between us."
"What you did? Angie, Loubar raped you!" Rollie's voice was angry, not at her but at the way she had been hurt.
Angie looked down at the floor, "I told you...afterwards, yes, it was rape. But before, when he was you...when I thought that it was you, it wasn't rape Rollie."
Rollie pushed his head back towards the wall and slid down to the floor. Why did it take her rape to make him realize that he loved her?
Angie came over from the other side of the room and knelt down in front of Rollie.
"I have loved you for so long, Rollie. It was so natural. Like breathing," she smiled, "I thought I would grow out of it eventually, but I didn't," Angie looked down at her hands, "I didn't ever plan on acting on it though. You have to know that, right?" she looked into his deep brown eyes and continued, "I mean, we had a great relationship and I didn't want to screw it up. And you were always with these amazingly beautiful women, women so unlike me. And admit it Rollie, you always thought of me as a kid. I... well, I was too afraid that you wouldn't feel the same way. I guess I always figured that I would lose you someday to someone else because you couldn't ever see me as something more than Manny's kid or your partner."
Rollie's hand went to Angie's cheek, his thumb wiping a tear from her eye, "Angie, you'll never lose me. Haven't I always said that?"
"Yeah," she smiled, "but you still don't get it," she was about to stand up when Rollie grabbed her hand and gently pulled her back down.
"You've had your say. Now I want you to hear me out."
Angie looked him in the eyes and could tell he was serious. Rollie Tyler, she thought, you sure know how to choose the times to talk. And times when I can't run away.
"I can't lose you, Angie. You know I've been afraid too."
Angie couldn't help but chuckle. She never pictured Rollie afraid of losing her.
Rollie smiled, "Ah! You don't believe me. Well, it's true. I have been afraid of my own feelings for some time now. I've pushed them down and tried to ignore them. I felt like I was betraying your father. He trusted me to look out for you, to take care of you--"
"And you have."
"Not really. Truth be told, it's been the other way around a lot of times," he sighed, "I watched you grow from a cute little tomboy getting under foot into a beautiful, brave young woman. And, well, I am a red blooded male. I would have to be dead not to have noticed--"
Angie blushed. "Rollie!"
"No, let me finish," he admonished her, "I kept holding back because of Manny. He was like a father to me, which meant that you were like a sister. Except you weren't. It was confusing and a little bit...frightening. I didn't ever want to betray his trust in me. You have no idea how important his friendship, his mentoring, meant to me. He took me in and made me feel like a part of his family. He gave me a home, a place to finally... belong," his eyes teared up as he remembered Manny Ramirez, all rough around the edges with a generous heart and a beautiful daughter entrusted to Rollie's care if anything ever happened to him. And that something did happen when Manny died in an explosion on a movie, "Your father taught me FX and it became my life. It saved my life, Angie. His trust meant everything," Rollie paused. "I still remember how upset he was that Christmas we kissed under the mistletoe when you were fifteen. Even though... you tricked me Angela!" he said shaking his finger at her.
Angie remembered that, and her father's wrath as well. She was too young, he told her. She should be thinking of boys her age. Rollie bore the brunt of Manny's anger however.
"Rollie...I was just a kid."
"Yeah. Well, your father told me I should have known better, and I will always remember that," he smiled and shook his head. He wiped the tears from his eyes, "I have always tried to know better where you were concerned. Truth is, I think maybe you're the one who has known better. And I dunno," he sighed, "I guess I thought maybe you had grown out of your infatuation, which would have bloody well served me right!" he laughed, shaking his head, "I mean, I couldn't bloody well think you would be there forever, could I? And any guy would have to be a bloody wanker not to have noticed how beautiful you are. It's just that I've never been this close to losing you before...the thought of you building a life with Paul, getting married and having kids...." he was quiet for a moment, looking down at a spot on his jeans, "And then Loubar. Angie, as despicable and disgusting what he did to you was, it made me realize something that I was too afraid to face. And now that I've admitted it to myself, I can't hide from it. I can't deny the fact that --"
"That what?"
Rollie looked at her. "That I am in love with you."
Angie caught her breath, her head spinning. Her eyes grew big and she shook her head.
"Rollie...I just don't know. After all these years... pushing down my feelings, of being afraid to show you how I felt, and then finally making up my mind that I could live without knowing and try to move on with my life. And now you're here and...." she put her hand to her mouth, smiling slightly, as if remembering the touch, "And then there's Paul. I do care about him, Rollie, I do. I just... I don't know what to trust, you know?" Angie put her head down, looking at her fingers.
Rollie cupped his hand around Angie's neck, his fingers caressing her cheek. He wondered if he was wrong to have pushed this here and now. But something at the back of his mind kept telling him that he had to. Slowly he came to meet her face. He cupped her face in his hands and looked deeply into her eyes.
"I know you're afraid, Angie. But please believe me when I tell you that you don't need to be. You can trust in me, in my heart. Because now that I've admitted to myself how I feel about you, I can't explain it...it's as if my heart is fearless. In fact, it feels like it's soaring right now," he laughed and Angie found herself laughing too, "and if need be it will be strong enough to pull us through until you're not scared anymore."
Angie smiled and Rollie moved closer.
"Trust this," he said softly, as his lips gently covered hers, their kiss slowly building in heat and intensity.
Angie's hands curled around Rollie's neck, pulling him in deeper.
"Rollie Tyler, you say the sweetest things."