Rollie returned to the loft after being released from the hospital. The gunshot wound to his shoulder wasn’t serious but certainly was painful. Still, it was nothing that he needed to stay in the hospital for. Rollie had somehow expected to see Angie at the hospital. She usually came to check on him after one of their scrapes, to give him a ride home or just to fuss over him. She didn’t come this time and that sent a few brainwaves of panic through his brain. This wasn’t just a scrape…this adventure would have consequences even he wasn’t sure about. When he had asked his friend Det. Mira Sanchez at the hospital if she had seen her, the Detective had told him that Angie had received a ride home from one of the cops.
“Give it time Rollie,” she said, as if sensing what he was thinking. “You and Angie, both, have been through a tremendous ordeal. Maybe what you both need right now is some space.” Mira’s heart ached for both of her friends, whom she had gotten to know through police work the two helped out on.
Rollie’s gaze fell to the floor. “I don’t know Mira…maybe that’s the last thing we need right now.”
“Look,” Mira said sternly, causing Rollie to look up at her. “I know you want to go to Angie right now, but listen to me. I’ve seen a lot of cases.” she was referring to the rape, though Rollie didn’t need any reminders. It had been on his mind constantly since Angie had told him what happened. “What you need and what Angie needs may not be the same thing. If Angie went home it’s because she needs space. The question is; do you love her enough to give it to her?”
Rollie, whose gaze had returned to the floor, looked up at Mira, wondering how she could even ask that question. But then he realized that even he was confused by what he was feeling. Finally he said, “Of course I do. I just want to be there for her if she needs me. I don’t want to lose her Mira.”
Mira gently squeezed his good shoulder. “You won’t.”
“What if I already have?”
Mira sighed. She really couldn’t answer his questions the way he wanted. “Then maybe you need to do something about that…or let her go.”
Mira watched Rollie leave the hospital in the FX van. She had driven him to the hospital, but he now insisted that he could drive himself home. Outside in the parking lot, as she watched Rollie drive away she was about to get a ride with one of the other cops when her cell phone rang.
“Mira?’ The voice sounded small.
“Angie?”
“How’s Rollie? Is he hurt bad?”
“No. No, Angie, Rollie’s fine. In fact he just left after getting patched up,” she tried to reassure her. “He’s worried about you though….”
Mira couldn’t see the weak smile that formed on Angie’s lips.
“Mira?”
“Yeah Angie?”
“I need your help.”
The two women sat in the waiting area of the doctor’s office. The doctor at the clinic Angie had visited earlier strongly suggested that Angie see her regular doctor. Rather than putting it off, Angie decided to get it over with.
Mira handed Angie a plastic cup of tea. Angie took the beverage, her hands trembling. She hadn’t been able to stop the trembling since she left the park.
“Maybe…maybe we should go….” Angie said, looking around the room, which was still crowded despite the lateness of the hour.
“No, Angie, you’ve come this far,” Mira knew that the wait wasn’t helping Angie’s trepidation. “You’re here, and you need to get checked out, just to be safe.”
Finally, after two hours of waiting, Angie’s name was called. She walked back to the examining room area with Mira right behind her. Though it had never mattered much before, Angie was now grateful that her doctor was a woman. She didn’t need another man being invasive with her body. The doctor looked at Mira.
“I’m sorry miss…you’ll have to wait outside.”
“I’ll go if Ms. Ramirez wants me to.”
The doctor nodded in agreement. Angie wanted Mira to stay. The doctor brought out the rape kit. Angie hadn’t showered that morning after she had learned about Loubar’s deception. She had realized that Rollie was in danger and she rushed to get dressed and then to find him. She hadn’t even showered after her visit to the clinic. She still felt dirty, but she wanted to get all the exams and tests out of the way, to put it behind her, if it was at all possible. She went through the most horrendous, humiliating exam of her life. Her face was photographed where she had been hit and a bruise and swelling was forming. The doctor was gentle and sympathetic. Mira stood back taking notes as Angie told the both the doctor and her what happened, leaving out the part of Loubar’s wearing Rollie’s face as a mask. Mira already knew that part and there was no need for the doctor to know.
The exam finished, Angie began to get dressed. The doctor came back in writing a prescription. “I’m prescribing a mild tranquilizer so you can get some rest,” and added after a short pause, “have you thought about an unwanted pregnancy? And I also strongly suggest you be tested for HIV and STDs.”
Angie’s eyes grew big. She hadn’t thought of that. They hadn’t used protection! How could she have been so stupid? This was all getting to be too much for her. Her hand went to her mouth in a muffled cry.
“Oh God!”
The doctor pulled up a stool and sat in front of Angie. “I know that it’s not something you want to think of right now. You’ve already been through an ordeal. And I don’t want to add unnecessarily to it, but your health is my main concern. I can schedule the HIV and STD testing to take place as soon as possible. It’s confidential and I cannot stress how important it is that it’s done. We can do it here, if you want. We will also have to do follow up testing afterwards, but we can talk more about that later. As for an unwanted pregnancy, I can prescribe a drug called Previn. It’s an emergency contraceptive, which is 75% effective in stopping an unwanted pregnancy. It’s a series of high-dosage hormone pills, estrogen and progesterone, given in two doses twelve hours apart as soon as possible after the unprotected intercourse has occurred, preferably within 24 hours and no later than 72 hours.”
Angie rubbed away tears that had streamed down her cheek.
“Yes. Yes, I want that.”
“Alright…now there may be side effects, some vomiting, nausea, breast tenderness. There have been cases of infertility and blood clot formation, as well as cases of ectopic pregnancies, which can be life threatening. If any of these more serious symptoms occur I want to see you right away. Or you can go to another doctor or a clinic in an emergency. Now, having said all that, you seem to be in good physical health, so I don’t think we need to worry too much,” she took Angie’s hand. “May I say that I think you made the right decision by coming here, and that you are doing the right thing in getting the testing done as soon as possible.”
Mira and Angie left the clinic. Angie, not wanting to go home just yet, asked if they could go somewhere for a drink. Mira took her to a diner, not knowing that Angie really wanted to get plastered, to feel numb. She didn’t say anything, however.
Mira felt that Angie wanted to talk, but she had spent the last twenty minutes staring into her coffee. The waitress brought the pot over to refresh their cups. Mira stifled a yawn.
“You must be tired,” Angie finally spoke.
“No more than usual. You look pretty wiped.”
“I am.”
“Mira, thanks for being there tonight. I don’t know how I could’ve gotten through this without you.”
“You and Rollie are my best friends. I hate that this has happened to both of you…especially you, Angie. Anytime you want to talk….”
“I know. Thanks.”
They were quiet again for a few minutes. Then Angie sighed and ran her hands through her hair.
“Mira? How is Rollie, really?”
Mira didn’t answer right away, thoughtful. “He’s pretty bad. He feels responsible for what happened to you…and, well, I guess, unsure of where to go from here.”
“I told him that nothing’s changed for me…but I don’t know, you know? I’m so afraid I’ll lose him…you know, as a friend. This whole thing is going to change us. I have had a stupid schoolgirl crush on Rollie ever since I first laid eyes on him, and damn it…I never grew out of it. But Rollie never thought of me as anything other than….than….”
“Little Angie? Sweet Angie?” Mira offered, smiling.
“Yes! Exactly! And now…now he’s going to know how I feel about him. Mira I just can’t bear it, feeling the way I do and knowing Rollie doesn’t feel the same way. I feel like such a stupid idiot, on top of everything else. And plus I shot him! I shot him! How could I shoot Rollie? Oh god! He must really hate me right now.”
Mira couldn’t help but laugh. Angie had said all of that in one breath. “Rollie doesn’t hate you Angie, he never could. But maybe you two need to sit down and be honest and open with each other about what happened. He could help you through this. I know he wants to.”
Angie yawned suddenly and looked at her watch. It was almost 11:00 p.m. “I don’t know. I need…to not think. And right now, I need to sleep.” Truth was she was afraid of the changes that she just knew were coming.
“Yeah, you do. I’ll drive you home.”
Rollie Tyler hadn’t gone straight back to the loft after he left the hospital. Instead he drove around and somehow ended up at Angie’s apartment. He stayed in his van for sometime before getting the courage to go up to her door and knocking on it. He knocked several times, but there was no answer. Maybe she doesn’t want to see me, he thought to himself. He rested his forehead on the door and sighed. He left then and decided to get plastered.
Rollie finally returned to the loft sometime in the early morning hours. A sudden jolt of pain seared through Rollie’s shoulder and made him wince. Daybreak would be here soon but the loft was still dark. He hadn’t even instructed Bluey to turn the lights on. The mechanical dog barked and wagged his tail. It was then that Rollie noticed the blinking light on the phone. “Bluey…play messages” he instructed.
There were a couple of messages from the producer of the next film Tyler/FX was scheduled to work on next week. Rollie would have to call him back. There was also a message from a woman named Annette who had flirted with Rollie on the set of Red Storm. But the last message was from Angie.
“Hi Rol. It’s me Angie, of course you know that already, right? Anyway um….listen, I know that I told you that everything’s okay, and it is. It’s just that…I just think that I need some time before I go back to work. Just the thought, you know, right now. I think that I need some time by myself for a few days. It will only be a few days, Rol, I promise. I know we’re starting the new movie next week and…god! I feel like I’m letting you down, I’m sorry, Rollie, I am. It’s not you….it’s me. I just need a few days. Please try and understand. And I’m sorry for letting you down. Anyway um….I should be back by Wednesday. Take care, Rollie.”
Rollie could almost hear the tears in Angie’s voice. He was sure he could hear sniffles and a desperate attempt to try and sound nonchalant. Rollie knew Angie was hurting. He felt the tears in his own eyes sting as he leaned against the wall, slowly dropping down to the floor. His shoulders heaved as the tears finally broke through.
“God, Ange! Why won’t you let me help you?”
By the next evening, Rollie was lonely without Angie. She had only been gone a day but he couldn’t help thinking about her and worrying about her. He wondered, too, how things would be between them when she returned. If she comes back, he thought, sadly. Rollie put down the mask he had been working on. He and Angie would have to talk when she returned. In the meantime, he decided, he had to figure out what he wanted, if at all possible. He was beginning to realize that this whole ordeal with Loubar had awakened other feelings in him towards Angie. Whatever happened, he resolved, he and Angie would be okay. They would get through this. He wouldn’t lose her as a friend and partner. He was not about to let that happen.
A few hundred miles away, Angie Ramirez looked out the window of her hotel room. She hadn’t planned on leaving town. She had told Rollie that nothing had changed between them. But when she returned to her apartment after a few hours of being away from him, after Loubar and the shooting, she began to panic at the thought of seeing him again. Telling Rollie that nothing changed was just some false bravado she had tried to muster. She wanted it to be that way, as if nothing had happened. At least a part of her did. One part of her wanted to forget what had happened when she thought that Loubar was Rollie, because that way, things would be the same. Rollie wouldn’t know how she felt. He wouldn’t know about her stupid schoolgirl crush and they could go back to being best friends. Things wouldn’t be strange between them, which is what she feared. Still, another part of her wished that Rollie felt the same way. But that was stupid and was never going to happen and even if now, Rollie began treating her differently, she would know that it was because of what happened and not because of any feelings he might have for her. He thought of her as a friend and as a little sister. She knew that. She had always known that.
Angie told herself that she would get through this despite how embarrassed and ashamed she felt. She had a crush on Rollie for the longest time. She never planned on acting on it though…not unless she had been given some sign from Rollie that he could possibly feel the same way about her. And when she thought he finally did, that her dreams were coming true, it turned out to be a horrendous nightmare. She thought she had given herself to Rollie. In the end though, she was used and abused by Victor Loubar. How could he have known? How could he see what Rollie couldn’t? But maybe he hadn’t. Maybe Loubar had just wanted to hurt both Rollie and she for getting in his way. Angie needed time to digest what had happened and how this might affect her and Rollie. She couldn’t face Rollie yet. Her feelings were still on top…exposed. She needed to put some space between her and Rollie so that she could stuff her feelings down again, like she did before. So, she decided to go away for a few days to a hotel in the Adirondacks. She tried to practice what she would say when she called Rollie’s loft. She even wrote down what she would say, but had trouble sticking to the script. She was just glad that Rollie still wasn’t home when she called. She hoped his shoulder was okay. She didn’t mean to shoot him. It was just another thing she had done wrong. Maybe, she thought, Rollie would be better off without her.