Safe Haven
(post Red Storm fan fic)

Eileen

Rollie walked into the van after being OK'd by the paramedics at the scene; Mira would not have it any other way.  Both Mira and Tony were going to be there with the diving team...just in case.  Rollie promised her that if the pain got worse he would go to the hospital for an examination.

He never thought he could feel so much pain; the pain in his shoulder was only half of the pain that he felt now.  The past day was probably the worst that he had ever experienced; one that he wished no one would ever have the 'opportunity' of having...ever.  Rollie still thought that what had happened to Angie was his fault.  'If I had never done Elena that favor, I would never have heard of Loubar or him of me.  It's my fault; how can I ever make this up to her?  HOW?'  The walk from the ambulance to the van was long; he had to cut back across the park back to the East Side by the hotel.  Each jostling step over the rocks, in the wetness,  in the cold reminded him of the gunshot wound in his shoulder; another reminder that Loubar had inserted himself into Rollie's world again.

By the time he got to the van that had his logo emblazoned on it, Rollie Tyler was ready just to go home and slip into oblivion, if possible considering what his home was now.  'A bloody crime scene; welcome to another day here in paradise' he muttered bitterly to himself.  Taking the keys out of his pocket with his right hand, he opened up the truck and started the engine.  Sitting in his thoughts for a few moments, he then started to pull out into traffic.  Checking the rear mirror, he yelped.  "Angie!?  You nearly gave me a bloody heart attack!!  What...?"

"Sorry", came the hushed apology from the petite blonde woman.  Rollie turned around in the driver's seat to talk to her.  She was still wearing the green heavy pullover sweater that he saw her with all day.  Angie was just sitting in her seat, looking at the keys on her board.  Looking but not really seeing; she was lost in her own thoughts.  She peeped up to give Rollie a little smile; it was the only one that he had seen all day.  The smile softened the bruises on her face, another reminder of Loubar.  Rollie smiled if for no other reason than to encourage her; let her know that they were still a team.

"What was the safest place you felt as a child?" Angie asked her boss/partner/friend/mentor/confidant/I-just-told-him-that-I-have-I-a-thing-for-him.  Her blue eyes were still blue but a bit clouded.  The light from the monitor gave her an eerie shadow.  The shadow gave her a false image of an older woman, made her look much older than her 24 young years.   'I doubt that she will ever again be young' he mused to himself.  He paused to think quite carefully about her question and his answer to it.

"Never really thought about it.  I would probably say that it would have to be the tree in back of our house.  I would go there and try to climb it just to see how high I could get.  It was always a nice day when I was climbing, not that Mum would let me try it in bad weather.  Maybe that's why; I knew it was a good day if I was climbing.  What's yours?" he asked her quietly.

"When I was a kid, I felt...no , I *knew* that for me the safest place I could ever be was with my father.  I mean he got me out of Cuba, which although I don't remember it all that well, is supposed to be very harsh and cruel.  He raised me all by himself.  The man did everything that he could for me; he was my daddy.   I can still remember the day he took over the loft; he was so proud of himself.  He said to me, 'Angel, I made it!!  I can now be more than just a stuntman.  We are going to go places and meet people!'  Rol, he was so happy here in America.  Daddy thought all of his nightmares were left in Cuba."  She paused to compose herself because talking about Manny always made her emotional.  Even though it had been over five years since he died, her father's death would always haunt Angela Ramirez.

"He wasn't kidding about meeting people.  He met AC Myles, the man as you pointed out got all of us started in this biz, Ray Maher, the only camera man I have ever met that couldn't take a picture with a Polaroid camera, Billy Bob or Billy Joe or Billy whatever he was going by that week, the guy that used to show up on the set with just his pants no shirt and no shoes.  My dad thought he was nuts but said he was a good stuntman.  He met all kinds, didn't he?  Then of course you showed up."

"Dad was tickled pink when you came to work for him; here was another human being that was just as warped and as twisted as he was.  Oh, that's not an insult, I mean that only in the sincerest way."  Again she gave him one of her best smiles; Rollie still hadn't moved from the driver's seat.  He didn't want to stop her or scare her.  She was telling him things he knew about Manny and their friends but at the same time it was like hearing it all for the first time.  Angie rarely spoke about her life with Manny before Rollie got there and by mutual understanding, neither one of them brought up the first few months that Rollie was with them.  He didn't bring it up because he didn't want to embarrass her and she didn't bring it up for the same reason...she was a major brat with a major attitude towards him back then.  Rollie let her continue her speech without any interruptions.

"Dad was glad you were there.  He felt like he finally had a son" there was a sad tone to her voice during the last part of the statement.  When she looked up at Rollie, he felt his heart break.  She had tears in her eyes and that look could always do it to him.  Her big blue eyes got bigger and bluer; he just wanted to sit there and cry with her.  But instead he tried to reassure her of her father's love.

"Ange, you know that Manny adored you.  There was nothing he wouldn't have done for you, you do know that?  Do you know how many times that I wished I had a dad like yours?  I love Dingo, but he was never there for me the way Manny was for you.  Manny may have been a father figure to me but he was *your* father."

At that Angela started to cry a little harder.  Rollie looked around the van wishing he was anywhere but there.  He could never handle Angie crying and especially not now.  Wiping her eyes on her shirtsleeves, she apologized again, "Sorry.  I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable.   Um...yeah, I know but still he wanted a son and you happened to be there.  You liked what he liked, you both were nuts over stunts, both of you check and double check everything just to be sure.  He liked that about you."

"That's why I loved being at the loft when I was a kid; I knew that the two people in this world that I could count on the most were there.  I can remember Dad picking me from school in the winter and going back to the loft and seeing you with like 3 sweaters on.  He couldn't understand how you could be so cold all the time; then he would make us the hot chocolate with the marshmallows.  There was no way he was going to let you get sick because then who would help him with the work, right?  Then he would let me play with some of the stuff while he went out and left you to baby-sit; you never did get much work done then, did you?"

"I used to pretend that I was cold because I knew your dad would make the hot chocolate and then let you watch TV when he went out.  I kinda figured that he would ask me to watch you, so I figured I could get to see some of it, too."  He admitted with a little boy smile.  One that reminded Angie of the first few years that he was with them; Rollie was shy and awkward.  Back then, those first few years  he didn't know what to say to most people but with Manny and Angie he was fine.

"I knew that.  I don't think Dad did or if he did, he didn't let on.  I guess he figured it was easier to keep both of us quiet for a couple moments at the same time then have us each miserable at two separate times.  I had some really great times there; most of my favorite memories are there.  I knew that no matter what my problem was that my Dad was at his loft working and that meant things were good; that money was not a problem.  I knew that you were there too, so that if Dad was busy or not there, you would help me.  The loft *was* my safe haven"

Taking a deep breath, she continued, "That is something that hurts the most.  I mean, when Loubar um, um, uh, tricked me the other night- I know that and I can almost deal with it.  I can almost deal with the fact that he stole something very precious from me", all of this was said without her looking at Rollie.  He was too afraid to look at her himself, afraid of what he might see and afraid what he might show, "Almost, I'm not quite there yet.  But what I absolutely hate him for is taking away the one place in this world that meant everything to me.  That place is still so much of my dad; you hardly changed it.  I mean how can I go back there and think of my daddy!?  I can't go back there thinking of being in school and drinking hot chocolate with you and my dad knowing that what he did....what he did is not something a daughter can tell her dad.  Especially why it happened...." Her voice just dropped off, her chest was heaving with the sobs that were racking her body and the tears were coming in streams.

"Angela, listen to me.  I want you to listen to me very hard and very carefully.  You didn't do a thing wrong!!  Not one thing!! Loubar is the only one who was wrong, ok??  He is to blame not you...NOT YOU!  I am as much to blame as he is; if I had been more alert and careful, Loubar wouldn't have gotten me and you never would have been hurt."  He had moved over to her seat and had taken her by both of her shoulders.  The movement was putting pain up and down his left arm but at this particular moment, his arm could have been falling off for all that he cared about himself.

"That's not true, Rol.  I mean how could you have known what he was doing!?" She was looking directly into his face; this time she knew that this was her Rollie.  It was the same face that she had been looking at for the last thirteen years, the same eyes that she could detect a joke or lie from, the same smile that could make her feel better by just seeing it.  This was definitely her Rollie.

"So, how were you supposed to know what he was doing if no one else could?  Stop blaming yourself.  Please.  I know this is really hard for you and that it is something that I could probably never understand, but you have to know this is not your fault.   The only thing I ask of you is that you don't hate me for bringing him into our world."  By the time Rollie had finished his request, his hands had moved from her shoulders to her face cupping it in much the same manner that Loubar had done the night earlier but there was a difference for Angela.  This time she could feel the tenderness and the caring behind the touch.  He had also brought his forehead closer to hers so now they were touching; just by peeping up Angie could see the unshed tears in her best friend's eyes.

"I could never hate you.  I love you."  Then tears were finally shed.
 
 
 

It had been nearly three weeks since Loubar and his tricks and in that time Angie had decided with a little prodding from Mira and Sarah Gatti, and a lot from Rollie, to go to a group counseling at the local health clinic.  For as many times as she could deal with it, there were times when she couldn't.   Both Sarah and Mira offered to go with her as moral support and took them up on it at times.   Going to those session made her realize that she was not the only one with this terrible experience (but she doubted that many had her twist to it!) and that there quite a few people out there who loved and cared about her.
"Rol! I'm back!  Are you here!?"

"Yep. Up here.  How did it go today?  Did they bore you again?" he asked her with a smile.  It was good to see her getting back to herself.  He missed the old Angie a bit but he also knew that the old Angie never would have let anyone help her and she needed to know that help was out there.

"Yeah. But at least this time I didn't fall asleep.  Aren't you proud of me?" was her smart mouth answer.

"Good girl.  I'm starved; want some lunch?" he asked as he made his way down from the VR chamber to the lounge.

"Yeah. Sure as long as you aren't cooking; we are getting take out, right?"  She threw Rollie a questioning look as the microwave went off.  Angie went to the appliance to take out whatever it was that the tall Australian was cooking.  She opened it and saw...  "Rol!!" and started to cry in her best friend's arms.

"Sorry, I know it's not the same but I could only find the instant hot chocolate.  Think it will do?"  He could feel her nod her head.  He smiled as he told her, "Did you know that on the Cartoon Network at two is the New Scooby Doo Movies?  You used to love them, want to have the 'hot chocolate' while we watch them?"

Angela nodded her agreement again and thought.  Maybe it wasn't the place that made you feel safe, maybe it was who was in it with you.  Because right in Rollie's embrace, she had never felt safer.