FX: the Series does not belong to me. It and the characters belong to Rysher, Fireworks, Winterset, Hallmark. This is for fun with no profit involved.

Thanks to Peggy for beta-reading it for me. Any remaining mistakes are mine.

Into the Light
A Red Storm Ending
by
Deborah

Rollie walked over the movie set with his head down, deep in thought. He looked up as he passed the cubicle where Angie sat with the ambler. He sighed. Things were not going well - not with the shoot, not with Angie and not with him. And they hadn't been going well for the past four weeks, ever since Loubar had done what he'd done to Angie. The physical act, bad as it was, wasn't the worst of it. No, that was the mental aspect, the emotional damage he had done.

Rollie knew Angie was having a hard time dealing with it. She tried to pretend everything was fine but he, and most everyone else, knew it wasn't. He knew she was having nightmares and she was also struggling with their relationship. There had been a couple of times when he had come upon her suddenly and had seen a flicker of fear in her eyes before she got herself under control and hid it. Like she hid so much these days. Rollie's heart just ached for her - for what she was going through, but also because of how she felt about him. Her unguarded reactions spoke much louder than her controlled, rehearsed responses.

In the past few weeks, his feelings had also come into clear focus and he realized what his heart had known for some time. That he was in love with Angie - totally, completely, hopelessly. She was his soul mate, the other half that made him whole, and there would never be anyone else for him. Totally, completely, hopelessly, especially hopelessly, especially now he thought bitterly. Whatever shred of hope he'd held that she might feel, or come to feel, the same about him had been shattered that night by Loubar. The constriction in his chest got tighter and he had to concentrate to breathe properly.

Rollie gave himself a little shake, sighed again and walked on. The morning had not gone well and the director wanted to go over the afternoon's planned shoot.

Angie stepped out and watched Rollie walk away. She felt so bad for him. He only wanted to help her and she couldn't let him. She tried so hard to separate him from Loubar and succeeded most of the time. But there were times when images and memories from that night became too strong and she nearly collapsed under their weight.

She moved to an open area of the set and sat down on a bench amid props they were using in the film. She fingered a gun that lay amongst masks and clothing and thought about what she had done and could do again to Loubar if presented with the opportunity. She shivered slightly at the image that formed in her mind.

Rollie was returning from his meeting with the director when he saw Mira waiting for him. At least, he presumed she was waiting for him. He walked up to her and said "Hi Mira, what brings you here?"

Rollie smiled at her, but Mira saw it was a sad smile. Now that she thought about it, Rollie had had a sad look about him for a couple of weeks. But it had deepened and become worse lately. She knew it was because of Angie and how he desperately wanted to help her.

"I came to see how you were doing, to see how Angie is doing, to see how you both are doing."

"Well, that just about covers everything, doesn't it?" he said sarcastically. Then seeing the hurt look on her face he sighed (He was doing a lot of that today!).

"I'm sorry, Mira. It's just that I've tried everything I can think of and I can't get through to her, I can't reach her. I'm at the end of my rope! What should I do?" The last question was a plaintive cry of frustration. Mira reached out and gripped his arm.

"You've got to hang in there Rollie. Be there for her. It will take time, but I'm sure you're both strong enough to get through this." She stopped suddenly as she realized there were tears in Rollie's eyes.

"You haven't seen the way she looks at me sometimes" he said softly, the pain evident in his voice. "When she looks at me, she sees more of Loubar that she does of me." He turned anguished eyes on Mira. "I can't live with her looking at me like that, thinking of me like that! My God, Mira, there are times she's repulsed by me, afraid of me!" Rollie clasped his arms around himself and started walking. Mira fell into step beside him.

"Maybe it would be a good idea if she saw a psychiatrist. There's a really good one on the hospital staff who works part time for us. I'm sure she would be able to help Angie." She glanced sidelong at Rollie's hunched form. "You too."

Rollie sniffed and straightened. "Yeah, maybe you're right. Maybe it's time we met this thing head on. Tackled it instead of letting it run, and ruin, our lives."

By this time, they had reached an open staging area on the set. Rollie saw Angie sitting on a bench and, with a nod of encouragement from Mira, decided to talk to Angie about getting some help in dealing with her emotional state. His too, he thought wryly.

As he approached her, Rollie thought something was wrong. Angie was sitting very stiffly, staring off into space. But, every once in a while, she would jerk as if a shiver ran through her or she was trying to avoid something. As Rollie got closer, he saw her lips were moving and then she raised a hand as if to ward off something. 'It's happening again' Rollie thought. Only once or twice before had Angie experienced a waking nightmare and Rollie hated them. He hated all her nightmares and the suffering they caused her.

Angie saw Loubar approaching her. She looked at his face in fear! No, it was Rollie's face. She saw his hand raised to help her. No, it was to strike her! His voice was trying to trick her! No, it was trying to comfort her. The thoughts, images, emotions swirled round and round. She felt tears coursing down her face. She wanted it to stop! Stop! Stop, please stop! She raised her hand again to make it stop, but it kept on and Loubar got closer. Through the swirl, through the tears, she raised her other hand and fired the prop gun. Then she dropped it, turned and ran, stumbling as she escaped her nightmare.

It was early evening and Mira still hadn't found Angie. The first places she had looked had been Angie's apartment and the loft, but no luck. She had left an officer on lookout at both places just in case Angie should return. She and Francis had searched everywhere with more than a little help from many of the off duty (and some of the on duty, although no one would tell Captain VanDuren!) officers. Rollie and Angie had helped the police out many times in the past and if they were now in need of help, there were many of New York's finest only too willing to pitch in.

Mira was at a loss. The only place she could think of to try again was the film set. She had searched it once before, but perhaps she had missed something.

As she walked around the set, she kept her eyes and ears open while she marveled at the complexities that went into an effects laden film production. Equipment, props and electronics were everywhere. Mira felt proud of Rollie and Angie that they were so well regarded in this business.

Suddenly, she heard a noise, and as she rounded a corner, she saw Angie sitting on the ground with her arms wrapped around her knees and looking miserable. Mira came up to her and quietly sat down beside her.

"I'm sorry, Mira" Angie said without looking up. "I'm sorry I was such an idiot to run away earlier. I just felt so... trapped, I just had to escape. I didn't want to make anyone worry or have to search for me though."

She looked at Mira and then looked past her as though searching for someone else.

Seeing Mira's questioning look, she gave a sad little shrug and said "I thought maybe Rollie would be here."

Mira said very softly "Angie, you shot at him, remember?"

Angie gave a bitter little half laugh. "Yeah, I remember. Even though I was out of it and thought for a second he really was Loubar. If he doesn't want to come around or see me because he's mad at me or hates me now, I understand. But I...."

Seeing the look on Mira's face stopped Angie mid sentence. Something was wrong here.

"What's wrong, Mira? Where is Rollie?"

"In the hospital."

Angie gave a little gasp. "But I didn't mean to really shoot him and it was a prop gun!"

"And Rollie was within a few feet of you when it went off."

Suddenly, Angie had trouble breathing. She couldn't have! Not Rollie, not her best friend! Even far removed, Loubar had struck again.

She turned anguished eyes on Mira. "Is... is he ok? I mean, is it serious?"

"No" Mira said slowly. "No, the injuries aren't serious."

"Then what is it?" Angie asked in confusion.

Mira took Angie's hands in hers and said softly "Dr. Garden has had a lot of experience with this kind of thing. He thinks..." she hesitated, but then plunged ahead. "He thinks Rollie's not getting better because he doesn't WANT to get better."

Angie jerked as though someone had slapped her. "What do you mean doesn't want to get better? You mean he wants to die?"

Mira didn't say anything, just sat there holding Angie's hands. Suddenly, Angie realized it was true. If she had shot at him to get rid of Loubar, Rollie wouldn't want to be around and cause her more pain, fear and unhappiness. She had presented him with an opportunity to solve the problem and he was taking it. Angie didn't want him to die. But it was more than not wanting her best friend, her family to die, she realized, she didn't want to face life without him because she loved him. All her tumbling emotions crystallized around that one thought - she loved Rollie and she had nearly taken his life.

She jumped up and pulled Mira to her feet. "Come on, we gotta go!"
 

As they walked through the hospital corridors, Angie tried to impose some semblance of order on her thoughts. She succeeded only partially. As they reached Rollie's room, there was a doctor standing outside.

Mira introduced them. "Dr. Garden, this is Angie Ramirez, Rollie's partner."

Dr. Garden clasped Angie's hands and gave her a warm smile.

"Angie, it's so good to meet you! I've heard so much about you."

Angie looked in confusion from Dr. Garden to Mira and back again. His blue eyes were open, friendly, encouraging.

"But, if you know who... then you know what I..."

Dr. Garden squeezed Angie's hands.

"Yes, Angie. I know what happened. And I know what led up to it. I'm not judging you. I'm not blaming you. But I sure would appreciate it, if you would help me save his life."

Angie saw nothing but genuine concern in his face, for both Rollie and for her. She simply nodded and stepped into the room. Dr. Garden let her go in alone. He had done all he could. Now it was up to Angie... and Rollie.

Angie stopped and stared at Rollie lying in the bed. It seemed as though he was just asleep. Then she noticed the heart rate monitor. It was slow, so very slow. She sat in a chair beside the bed and held his hand.

"Oh, Rol. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." And the tears came again.

Angie didn't know how long she sat there, when the door opened and someone else came in and sat down in a chair near by.

"You care for him a lot" came a soft female voice.

"Yes, I do. More than anything or anyone else in the world."

Angie didn't question the presence of the other person. In her state, she wasn't capable of analysing why the other woman had come. Perhaps, if she had known that Mira had arranged for Dr. Braithwaite, a psychiatrist on the hospital staff who also worked occasionally with the police, to come by, she might have been angry. But she wasn't angry now, she needed too desperately to unburden herself to someone.

Without asking questions, Dr. Braithwaite got Angie to talk about herself. About her family, Rollie, growing up, her profession, what had happened with Loubar. But no matter what the subject, it always came back to Rollie. He was the very fiber of her existence and Angie grew stronger as she talked about him. She only looked at Rollie the whole time and periodically she realized she was gripping his hand tightly, not just holding it.

Suddenly, she stopped whatever it was she was saying and looked at the heart rate monitor. The beat had changed, gotten irregular, and was getting worse. Angie began to panic when there came an intense whisper.

"Help him! Tell him he has a reason to live!"

Angie gripped Rollie's hand and touched his face.

"Rollie, please don't... please don't die. Please don't leave me. I couldn't live without you. I wouldn't WANT to live without you! Please don't go, don't leave me..."

The words came in a sobbing rush, repeated over and over. It wasn't until she felt a hand on her arm that she looked up and saw the heart monitor had settled back into it's slow rhythm. She nearly collapsed back into her chair exhausted. So much had happened today! Had it really all been in one day?

Then she turned, and for the first time, looked at the woman sitting next to her. Saw her long, wavy brown hair and friendly hazel eyes. She was somewhere in her 30's and looked like she had experienced some of the darker sides of life.

"What's your name?"

"Karen."

And suddenly, Angie knew what some of those darker sides were.

"You've been there, haven't you?"

Karen nodded slowly and then, as had happened so many times before, talked about herself, relived the pain, because it would help another.

"He killed my husband first" she said softly, "who was the light of my life. And then he raped me." She stopped, gave herself a little shake and then gave Angie a sad smile. "So I try to help others get through it. Try to ease the pain a bit, both theirs and mine."

"Does it help?"

She gave Angie a real smile. "Yes, it helps."

Angie thought what had happened with Loubar was the worst thing that could happen to her. But now she saw how it could have been much worse. Not that Loubar might have killed Rollie but that SHE might have killed him! What if, because of Loubar, she had killed the light of HER life? It was almost more than she could handle and she began to tremble.

"Angie" When Angie had focused on her, Karen continued. "It's been a long day. Why don't you get some rest? We can talk more tomorrow if you like."

Angie began to panic again and looked frantically from Karen to Rollie and back again.

"No! No, I can't leave. I mean, what if he...."

"It's OK, Angie! I'm sure Dr. Garden will understand and he won't mind if you stay here tonight. OK?"

Angie nodded, reassured, and as Karen stood to leave, said "I'd like to talk more with you tomorrow."

Karen smiled and said "I'll be here." Then she walked out of the room.

Angie felt an overwhelming need to be close to Rollie. She climbed onto the bed beside him and pulled his arm around her shoulders. Then, using his chest as a pillow, she wrapped her arms around him as though to reassure herself that he wasn't going anywhere. In spite of her doubts to the contrary, exhaustion took over and she soon fell asleep.

Angie woke with a start and the first thing she did was feel for the reassuring rise and fall of Rollie's chest. She didn't know what time it was, but the light streaming in through the window told her it was morning. Then she turned her attention to what had awakened her. Oh, right - a nightmare. But, she realized it was not the same nightmare that had stalked her these past weeks. No, this one was worse and drove all other thoughts from her mind. In this one, Rollie died and she was left alone with no one to turn to, no one to help her or protect her or be proud of her or give her a shoulder to cry on.

She shuddered slightly and tightened her grip around Rollie.

"Please don't leave me, Rollie. Please don't" she said softly to herself.

"I won't" came the equally soft reply.

Angie froze for a second before she sat up and looked into Rollie's open eyes.

"Rollie" she breathed. "Oh, Rollie! I was so worried. I was afraid...."

Angie slowed and stopped at what she saw in Rollie's eyes - hesitation, doubt, uncertainty. Doubt and uncertainty about her, about their relationship. Had she gotten him back physically only to lose him emotionally? Could she salvage it? Could she pull him back? She had to try.

"Rollie... I don't blame you for feeling... what you feel. I know you were trying to help me and I just didn't know how to accept it. How to admit to myself even that you COULD help. I see now that if anyone could have helped, it was you. I just wish...."

Angie stopped suddenly and scrambled off the bed as the door opened. Karen walked in and smiled at them both.

"Good morning" she said. "Nice to see you awake, Rollie" as if it was a perfectly normal thing for him to be awake. "My name is Karen. Angie and I talked some yesterday." As if this too was a normal thing. Rollie nodded at her, somewhat confused.

Karen turned to Angie. "I can come back later if you..."

"No!" cam Angie's quick reply. She continued more calmly "No, please, I'd like to talk with you again."

"We can go to another room, if you like." Karen waited tensely for Angie's answer. Angie glanced quickly, nervously in Rollie's direction, then at Karen, then at the floor.

"N..no. I... I think here would be better."

She looked questioningly up at Karen who had relaxed and smiled back at her.

"You know, for all your uncomfortable options, I think you got more sleep than I did last night" Karen said in her easy manner as she raised Rollie's bed and then sat down in a chair. "I was ready to go to bed when I started watching this horror movie. Didn't know any of the actors but the credits at the end listed Tyler FX as doing the special effects."

"Which movie was it?" Rollie asked, curious in spite of himself.

"Monster Revival, I think."

Angie groaned "That was one of our worst movies!"

"No, it wasn't!" Rollie came back rather indignantly. "We did a great job on the special effects."

"Yeah, but it was a terrible movie!"

With that, Karen had eased into the continuation of yesterday's conversation. She covered some of the same ground, not only for Rollie's benefit, but to confirm it for Angie. And Angie was surprised at how easy it was to talk - about a mix of casual things and deep, inner secrets - especially with Rollie listening. And occasionally pitching in.

Rollie himself watched in amazement. Although his own feelings were in turbulent upheaval, he was clear enough in his mind to see how Karen worked, how she opened locked boxes. He suspected Angie realized it too, but willingly let her continue. It was obvious she needed this, but somehow Rollie sensed there was another reason. Some of the bits were difficult, very difficult, for Angie. Karen had to tear it down before she could build it up again.

Angie had shifted into talking about Loubar and the aftermath almost without realizing it. Rollie's doubt and uncertainty disappeared as he listened and ached along with her. Angie spoke softly, looking at the floor, about making love with Loubar when she thought he was Rollie, about him hitting her and then her attempt to kill him. And about the difficult weeks following, culminating in her shooting at Rollie.

"And how about you, Rollie?"

Rollie started at the question. His eyes flitted back and forth from Angie to Karen. Angie was still looking at the floor while Karen waited patiently, not pressing. Rollie licked his lips. Angie had been open and honest, he could do no less.

He started hesitantly, but what he had to say was pretty short.

"Angie said nothing had changed, but it had. I tried to help, but just didn't know what to do. I didn't want to be the cause of any more pain and unhappiness. Then, that day... well... I figured if Angie felt that way about me, you know, fear, revulsion, than maybe it would be better if I just wasn't around..."

At Angie's anguished cry, he stopped.

"Oh, Rollie!" And she threw her arms around him and held him tight, sobbing. He wrapped his arms around her and held her just as tightly, shedding tears of his own. When her wracking sobs stopped, Angie wiped her eyes, pulled back and looked at Rollie. Really looked at him, at every aspect of his face. Looked at his warm brown eyes, so full of love and concern for her, looked right into his soul.

Suddenly she realized for all that the face and mannerisms had been Rollie's, Loubar's eyes had been cold. Had she wanted what had happened to happen so much that she hadn't noticed his cold eyes? Like a veil drawn back from her own eyes, she realized too that there was not one aspect of Loubar in the face in front of her, not one thought that she couldn't control and punch her own personal delete button if need be.

"To hell with Loubar. It's YOU I love Rollie."

"Wh..what?" Rollie couldn't believe he heard correctly. His eyes widened and he stared at her with his mouth agape.

Angie nodded and said softly "That's what made it so easy for him. I WANTED it. I wanted YOU. I guess I've known for some time, but it's only now that I could admit it to myself, admit it to you. You're the love of my life, Rollie, and will be until I die."

Rollie stared at her. That shred of hope he thought had been shattered had just blossomed into a huge bouquet. Was it possible? Was this really happening? For once, Angie misinterpreted his look, his silence and her face fell. He doesn't feel the same, she thought. He can't, after what I've done. She turned to leave, to go - where?, to do - what? She didn't know. She just knew her world had completely collapsed.

Rollie's hand on her arm stopped her.

"Ange" he finally found his voice. "I had no hope, no reason, no way to hope, that you would feel the same way about me that I feel about you."

Angie turned incredulous blue eyes on him. "What?" came the tight whisper.

Rollie gave her a big smile, a warm, loving smile. "It's really quite simple, Ange. I love you with all my heart and soul and can't imagine trying to muddle through life without you."

Angie felt the tears roll down her cheeks again. Not the bitter, heart-broken tears she had experienced so much lately, but tears of joy and love.

"Well, I guess someone's gotta keep you out of trouble."

Then she couldn't hold it in any longer and wrapped her arms around Rollie again. Rollie held her tight and over her golden hair, he looked at Karen. The gratitude shone through his eyes and he mouthed a 'Thank you!' at her. She smiled, nodded and turned to go.

It was moments like this that made it all worthwhile.

As the door closed behind her, Rollie and Angie, for the first time, kissed each other.
 

THE END