Rating: PG
Status: Part 1

Disclaimer: I definitely do not own F/X the series or any of its characters and I'm profiting financially from this fanfic. FX is a Fireworks Entertainment Inc. and Winterset Productions Inc. Also produced in association with Rysher Entertainment and Hallmark Entertainment. If you want to sue, you're more than welcome to inherit my debts! ;)

Timeline: Post Red Storm

Author's Notes: Hey everyone! This is the first fan fic which I ever wrote, and is currently unfinished. I'm going to "release" it chapter by chapter, and hopefully, by the time I hit the end, I'll have figured out an ending! I also want to say thanks to Maureen, Peggy, and David for their kind words about "Night In"! :) Again, if you have any comments or constructive criticisms, do not hesitate to contact me! And if you have an idea what I should call this fan fic, *please please* advise! (I'm going to keep the chapter titles separate from the actual title of the fan fic) And oh yeah, if I accidentally mangle any quotes from the "Red Storm" episode, much appologies! It's been a while since I've seen that episode so I'm doing it by memory (old' noggin') Anyway, thanks again, and I hope you all enjoy this! :)

Side Note: (Sorry there are so many of these) If you happen to think Ange is acting a bit out of character, I took a few liberties and assumptions considering what she's been through.

Email comments to alys@loveable.com
 

Ange sat in the waiting area, her hands over her face as she cried her heart out. The visit had gone so wrong. Her whole entire life was falling apart on her. Just a few days ago, she had just wrapped up Red Storm. And Rollie was still her friend. Her very best friend. She sobbed even harder over the last thought. Ange had wanted revenge for what Victor Loubar did to her, on how he used her to get at Rollie, on how he took away her innocence. She had been filled with tremendous confusion as she tried to distinguish between the two identical thrashing bodies in the water. Then, when she had seen the knife, she thought she knew. She had shot the real Rollie in the arm while he had been trying to rescue her from Victor. She could still remember the waves of pain and guilt as the pain-filled voice croaked out, "The things we do for love." It was at that moment that she realised her mistake. She had been so relieved when the paramedic had told him it was a clean exit afterwards. But then, his wound developed complications. So here she was, waiting to see him at the hospital. When they finally told her she could see him, Ange quickly wiped away her tears, ran inside, and saw him lying on the bed, looking pale and weak. She sat down slowly beside him, and clasped his hand in between her much smaller ones. "I'm so sorry Rollie. I .. I don't know how I couldn't have known it was you," she whispered softly.

Rollie's eyes opened just as she said it, and she saw something in his eyes that she'd never seen before. He closed his eyes tightly and told her, "Just go, Ange. Just go." Her heart broke right there and then. A sob escaped her as she let go of his hand and backed away from the bed.

"I.. I'm so.. sorry for hurting you. I won't bother you anymore." Rollie's eyes flew wide open as she ran out of the room, and she never heard him calling out her name.

What was she to do? He was her best friend, and her life. She never realised just how much she loved him. She tried to convince herself that she loved him as a brother. But every time she saw him with a woman, she was always consumed with jealously. She knew better now. And when Victor had disguised himself as Rollie, she gave herself to him because she loved him. She should've known better. Rollie only saw her as a sister and nothing more. Thinking back, she'd known something was off about him, but she couldn't see it. All she could think of was that the man that she loved wanted to be with her, wanted to make love to her. Ange thought of how happy she was the next morning and how her joy had quickly turned ugly when she saw Rollie at the computer. He was watching a video of the two of them making love. She thought of how Victor finally revealed himself to her and his parting words, "Whenever you see Tyler, you'll think of me!"

Ange cried even harder. She thought of all the pain that Rollie must have been going through, the shock he had when he discovered that Ange had thought Victor was Rollie, how her feelings for him were not brotherly, and the shot to his arm. Suddenly, she knew what she had to do. She had to leave. She could not bear being responsible for Rollie's pain.

"At least when I'm gone, Victor can't use me again to hurt Rollie. I won't be able to cause Rollie any more pain."

She took a deep breath, stood up, and looked around the loft she had loved so much. The loft she had shared with her father and Rollie. Daddy, I'm sorry I'll never make you proud. How I've hurt everyone, how I could've prevented Victor. It's all my fault. She saw Christmases with her father, before he had died. She remembered the hugs and all the love he'd given her. She saw ghosts of her antagonizing a 19 year-old Rollie. Memories of Rollie being there for her when her father died flowed through her. She almost collapsed from the weight of it all. She steadied herself against the table, tears continually streaming down her face. She would leave. She had to, for Rollie's sake.